The Princess
by merigirl
Summary: Samurai Pizza Cats. This is a modern take on the Gilbert and Sullivan operetta The Mikado. Princess Vi makes a huge mistake, Big Cheese is now Lord High Executioner and he usues his new postiton to demand Polly's hand, and she can't say no!Speedy is broke
1. Chapter 1

The Princess

Loosely based on 'The Mikado' by Gilbert And Sullivan.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Pizza Cats. This is just a new experient I'm tryong out. I love the operetta The Mikado, and seeing as how it takes place in Japan, I decided to update it with the Pizza Cats.

The songs (with notable exceptions) are parodies of the Gilbert and Sullivan ones in The Mikado.

**ACT 1**

Scene 1

_The town square of Little Tokyo. Various **GENTLEMEN **enter as music starts._

GENTLEMEN (singing)

If you want to know who we are,  
We are gentlemen of Japan:  
To be exact, Little Tokyo—  
On many a screen and fan,  
We wander all around:  
Living in this tiny town—  
You're wrong if you think it ain't, oh!

If you think we are worked by strings,  
Like a Japanese marionette,  
You're fully understanding of these things:  
It is simply Court etiquette.  
As is decreed by our Dear Princess  
Don't you think she sings a lovely song?  
If that's your idea, you're wrong, oh, oh!  
If that's your idea, you're wrong.

If you want to know who we are,  
We are gentlemen of Japan:  
To be exact, Little Tokyo  
On screen and fan,  
Living in this tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny town , oh! oh! oh! oh!  
We wander all around,  
On screen and fan.

[Enter AL DENTE

AL DENTE (Recitative)  
Gentlemen, I pray you tell me  
Have you seen the Big Cheese,  
Named Lord High Executioner of our Land?  
In pity speak, oh speak I pray you!

JERRY ATRIC (Recitative)  
Why, tell us why you ask this question?

AL DENTE (Recitative)  
I'm not that eager to see him, I'll tell you.

Music stops

JERRY ARTIC

Yeah, you and I and everyone here. Don't worry, he's not here yet.

AL DENTE

Well, great.

JERRY ATRIC

What brings you here, anyway?

AL DENTE

Just making a routine check on everything. (snickers) Yeah, "routine check". I'll think of any excuse to get away from Big Cheese even for a few minutes, I tell you, ever since he came back from Prisoner's Island, things here have been turned upside-down!

JERRY ATRIC

And all because the Princess HAD to make that new law! (music starts)

AL DENTE

Don't I know it! (sings)

Our great Princess Vi, virtuous girl,  
When she to rule our land began,  
Resolved to try  
A plan whereby  
Young men might best be steadied.

So she decreed, in words succinct,  
That all who flirted, leered or winked  
(Unless connubially linked),  
Should forthwith be beheaded, beheaded, beheaded  
Should forthwith be beheaded.

And I expect you'll all agree  
That she was right to so decree.  
And I am right,  
And you are right,  
And all is right as right can be!

**CHORUS**

And you are right.  
And we are right,  
And all is right, is right as right can be!  
And all is right as right can be!  
right as right can be!

Al DANTE  
This stern decree, you'll understand,  
Caused great dismay throughout the land!  
For young and old  
And shy and bold  
Were equally affected.  
The youth who winked a roving eye,  
Or breathed a non-connubial sigh,  
Was thereupon condemned to die—  
He usually objected, objected, objected,  
He usually objected.

And you'll allow, as I expect,  
That he was right to so object.  
And I am right,  
And you are right,  
And everything is quite correct!

**CHORUS**

And you are right,  
And we are right,  
And everything is quite, is quite correct,  
And everything is quite correct,  
All is quite correct! 

AL DANTE

And so we straight let out on bail  
A convict from the Prisoner's Island jail,  
Whose head was next  
On some pretext  
Condemned to be mown off,  
And made him Headsman, for we said,  
"Who's next to be decapited  
Cannot cut off another's head  
Until he's cut his own off, his own off, his own off.  
Until he's cut his own off."

And we are right, I think you'll say,  
To argue in this kind of way;  
And I am right,  
And you are right,  
And all is right—too-looral-lay!

**CHORUS**

And I am right,  
And you are right,  
And you are right,—too-looral-lay!

**AL DANTE** and **CHORUS**

And we are right,  
And all is right,  
And all is right!

**_[Exeunt CHORUS._**

JERRY ATRIC(Spoken)

The Big Cheese, the fomer Prime Minister,, Lord High Executioner of Little Tokyo! Why, that's the highest rank a Citizen can attain!

****

AL DANTE(Spoken)

It is. Our logical Princess, seeing no moral difference between the dignified judge that condemns a criminal to die, and the industrious mechanic who carries out the sentence, has rolled the two offices into one, and every judge is now his own executioner.

JERRY ATRIC(Spoken)

And how good for you (for I see that you are still serving under him, as am I) to continue to put up with him!

****

AL DANTE (Spoken)

Don't mention it. I'm only her serving under him to keep an eye on him and to TRY to keep this kingdom running as smooth as it possibly can. Consequently, my family pride is somthing inconceivable. I can't help it. I was born sneering. But I struggle hard to overcome this defect. I mortify my pride continually. When all the great officers of state resigned in a body, because they were too pround to serve under Big Cheese, did I not unhesitantly accept all their posts at once?

JERRY ATRIC(Spoken)

And all the salaries attached to them? You did.

****

AL DANTE (Spoken)

It is consequently my degrading duty to serve this upstart as First Lord of the Treasury, Lord Chief Justice, Commander-in-Chief, Lord High Admiral, Master of the Buckhounds, Groom of the Back Stairs, Archbishop of Little Tokyo, and Lord Mayor, both acting and elect, all rolled into one. And at a salary! A Pooh-Bah paid for his services! I a salaried minion! But I do it! it revolts me, but I do it!

****

JERRY ATRIC (Spoken)

And it does you credit.

****

AL DANTE (Spoken)

But I don't stop at that. I go and dine with middle-class people on reasonable terms. I dance at cheap suburban parties for a moderate fee. I accept refreshment at any hands, however lowly. I also retail State secrets at a very low figure.

JERRY ATRIC (spoken)

So, what is going on with him?

AL DANTE (spoken):

You haven't heard?

JERRY ATRIC (spoken):

No, what?

Al DANTE:

It's time!

JERRY ATRIC:

Time?

AL DANTE:  
For the choosing!

JERRY ATRIC:

The choosing!!

AL DANTE:

Well, you know. As befitting his post as the Lord High Executioner he has the priviledge of choosing whatever woman he wants to have for a wife! Whoever he chooses to wife HAS to marry him the very next week. No ifs, ands, of buts!

JERRY ATRIC:  
Oh, poor,..I mean oh wow, what priviledge that is!

AL DANTE (sarcastically):

Oh yeah, you bet. Getting the most honored title of Wife Of Lord High Executioner, having all the riches of the Kingdom second only to The Princess, getting to live in the Executioner Mansion, having the finest of everything..and the only thing she has to do is marry Big Cheese! It's all worth it….yeah right.

JERRY ATRIC:  
And he has already chosen her?

AL DANTE:

That's what he said. He's chosen the girl he wants to marry and he will announce it in an hour to Little Tokyo.

JERRY ATRIC:

Wonder who the poor Dear is?

AL DANTE:

We'll find out soon enough. Oh look, here he comes now! (Music starts. BIG CHEESE now enters brandishing his fan and wearing his brightly colored kimono. He is obviously on top of the world due to his impending announcement) The CHORUS appears in front of him to announce him)

NOBLE #1:

Attention, attention all! Please be at attention! Announcing The Lord High Executioner, the Lord Seymore Cheese! (Begins to blow horn as other NOBLES make isle for him)

****

CHORUS OF NOBLES  
Behold the Lord High Executioner  
A personage of noble rank and title-  
A dignified and potent officer,  
Whose functions are so important and vital!  
Defer, defer,  
To the Lord High Executioner!

**_[Enter BIG CHEESE_**

**BIG CHEESE:**

Taken from Prisoner's Island  
By a set of curious chances;  
Liberted then on bail,  
On my own lucky and handsome stancces ;  
Wafted by a stroke of luck  
As one sometimes is in trances,  
To a height that few can scale,  
Save by long and weary dances;  
surely, never had a male  
Under such like circumstances  
So adventurous tale  
Which may rank with most romances.

**CHORUS OF NOBLES**

Defer, defer  
To the Lord High Executioner!

BIG CHEESE (speaking like Paul Lynde as music stops):

Good morning, Gentilemen!

AL DANTE, JERRY ATRIC:

Good Morning, Sir (bows low before him)

JERRY ATRIC:  
So, Sir, I understand congratulations are to be on order, for you have chosen!

BIG CHEESE:

Indeed I have, Gentlemen. Indeed I have!

AL DANTE:

Who have you chosen, Sir?

BIG CHEESE:

You'll find out at the ceremony at the Main Square. Have everyone from Little Tokyo assemble there, and I want EVERYONE, NO exceptions, all right?

AL DANTE:

Yes,. Sir!

BIG CHEESE:

I mean it. If but one person is missing, they go right on my list, understand?

AL DANTE:

If you please, Sir, what list would that be?

BIG CHEESE:

Why, my list of people to be executed, of course!! (he takes out scroll from one of his sleeves and unrolls it. It's so long it trails the whole stage as music starts)

As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,  
I've got a little list — I've got a little list  
Of society offenders who might well be buried underground,  
And who never would be missed — who never would be missed!  
There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs —  
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs —  
All children who are up in dates, and floor you with 'em flat —  
All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that —  
And all third persons who on spoiling stories and movies insist —  
They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed!

**CHORUS**  
He's got 'em on the list — he's got 'em on the list;  
And they'll none of 'em be missed — they'll none of 'em be missed.

BIG CHEESE:  
There's the horrid singing managers, and the others of his race,  
And the piano-organist — I've got him on the list!  
And the people who eat tuna fish and puff it in your face,  
They never would be missed — they never would be missed!  
Then the idiots who praises, with enthusiastic tone,  
Those horrid Pizza Cats, and every country but his own;  
And the disgusting chatterboxes who question 'who, what, where and why,  
And gilrs who "don't think they dance, but would rather like to try";  
And those anomalities themselves, the Pizza Cats males I insist —  
I don't think they'd be missed — I'm sure they'd not he missed!

**CHORUS**

He's got them on the list — he's got them on the list;  
And I don't think they'll be missed — I'm sure they'll not be missed!

BIG CHEESE( spoken):

JUST the men! We leave Polly alone!

AL DANTE (spoken):

Why?

BIG CCHEESE (spoken):

Cause she's the most beautiful girl in Little Tokyo, THAT'S why! The loviest creature I've ever seen!

AL DANTE:

Oh, boy…

BIG CHEESE (sings):  
And that wandering music nuisance, who just now is rather rife,  
The main square humorist — I've got him on the list!  
All funny fellows, comic men, and clowns of private life —  
They'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed.  
And apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind,  
Such as — What d'ye call him — Thing'em-bob, and likewise — Never-mind,  
And 'St— 'st— 'st— and What's-his-name, and also You-know-who —  
The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you.  
But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list,  
For they'd none of 'em be missed — they'd none of 'em be missed!

CHORUS:  
You may put 'em on the list — you may put 'em on the list;  
And they'll none of 'em be missed — they'll none of 'em be missed!

[Exeunt **CHORUS**

BIG CHEESE:

I LOVE being me!!!

JERRY ATRIC (whispering to AL DANTE):

At least one of us does!

BIG CHEESE (suddenly angry)

WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

JERRY ATRIC (quickly):

Oh, nothing Sir! Nothing at all!!!

BIG CHEESE (calming down):

You both are lucky I'm I n a good mood today! Now, go, do as I say! By one hour everyone in Little Tokyo is gathered in the Main Square for the ceremony and make sure EVERYONE is there!! (BIG CHEESE exits)

AL DANTE:

Somehow, I don't like that sound of this! (AL DANTE and JERRY ATRIC exit)


	2. The Choosing

****

I don't own Pizza Cats or Mikado. The songs are taken from Mikado, with some words changed except Polly and Speedy's duet. That's 'Real Love' by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton. 

Scene 2

_A nearby street in Little Tokyo. It's a typical day, people are mingling, wandering around, carrying parcels, etc. A pizza place can be seen in the foreground. **AL DANTE **enters with a scroll. Proceeds to unfold it and read it as **PEOPLE **gather around._

Al DANTE (reading):

Hear ye, hear ye! A proclaimation from His Honor Seymore Cheese, the Lord High Executioner of Little Tokyo. Let it be know today that his Honor Cheese has hereby chosen the woman he wishes for a wife! ALL subjects of Little Tokyo MUST assemble in the Town Square in exactly one hour where he will make his announcement. Repeat, ALL subjects of Little Tokyo must stop what they are doing and report to the Town Square in ONE hour, no exceptions! Thank you.

(rolls up scroll and exits. PEOPLE talk amongst themselves)

WOMAN #1:

Big Cheese has chosen his wife! Well..who is the lucky..

MAN #1:

Victem!

WOMAN #2:

Whoever he choses is going to live in luxury! A big mansion, have all the money they want!

WOMAN #3:

But to have HIM for a husband?! Will it be worth it?

(door to pizza parlor opens, young cat woman in a green dress comes out- FRANCINE. She is pretty and sweet, but obsessed with money)

FRANCINE (hearing this):

It would be worth it for ME, all that money!!! (gets starry look in her eyes. Another female voice is heard inside)

VOICE:

Francine, stop daydreaming we have a lot to get done in an hour!

FRANCINE (inside):

Sorry, Polly. (goes back in) \

(SEVRAL GIRLS enter, chatting among themselves about who it might b that he'll choose. The WOMEN see them as music starts)

WOMEN:  
Comes a train of little ladies  
From scholastic trammels free,  
Each a little bit afraid is,  
Wond'ring who the chosen one can be!

Is this choosing but a world of trouble  
Sadness set to song?  
Is its beauty but a bubble  
Bound to break ere long?

Are its palaces and pleasures  
Fantasies that fade?  
(Are its pleasures  
Fantasies that fade?)  
And the glory of its treasures  
Shadow of a shade?  
...

GIRLS:  
Schoolgirls we, eighteen and under,  
From schlastic trammels free,  
And we wonder - how we wonder!  
And we wonder - how we wonder!  
Who on earth the chosen one can be!  
Who on earth the chosen one can be!

(They exit as a young cat man comes rushing quickly back to the parlor. SPEEDY CERVICHE- a young very self-confidant cat in white armor. He can run extremely fast and is a valuable fighter as well as leader of his team.)

SPEEDY (out of breath):

An hour? We gotta be there in an HOUR?! Oh, Geez, that's not enough time to get ALL these deliveries done! (Door to pizza place opens and POLLY exits from it. She is very beautiful, although hot tempered, and is dressed in pink armor, she is in love with SPEEDY, and he with her. She runs to SPEEDY)

POLLY:

Speedy, are you alright?

SPEEDY (kisses her):

Oh yeah. Just out of breath. Gotta rest a minute.

POLLY:

We're having a ral busy day today, and with this announcement in an hour, it's bound to be even busier!

SPEEDY:

This announceent, why do we all gotta go? Who he picks isn't any of our business!

POLLY:

I'll get you some water. (goes back inside)

SPEEDY:

Thank you. Man, sometimes being a Pizza Cat is hard (music starts)

A Samurai Pizza Cat, I—  
A thing of whiskers and fur,  
Of swords, and speed, and power ,  
And love for my country!  
And love for mmy country!

My catalogue is long,  
Through I might look like a stranger,  
And when our town is in danger  
Our team helps write the wrong!  
Our team helps write the wrong!

Are you in sentimental mood?  
We'll talk with you,  
Are you in love!  
On maiden's beauty do you brood?  
Points to where POLLY left) I'll do so, too—  
Oh, Polly, Polly!  
She charms my willing ears  
With songs of lovers' fears,  
And sympathetic tears  
If you are sad and low!—  
Oh, my joy and sorrow!

But if patriotic sentiment is wanted,  
I've patriotic ballads cut and dried;  
For where'er our country's banner may be planted,  
All other local banners are defied!

Our warriors, in serried ranks assembled,  
Never quail—or they conceal it if they roam—  
And I shouldn't be surprised if nations trembled  
Before the mighty troops, the Samurai Pizza Cats of Little Tokyo!

**_[CHORUS enters repeats: And I shouldn't...etc._**

And if you call for a song of the sea,  
We'll heave the capstan round,  
With a yeo heave ho, for the wind is free,  
Her anchor's a-trip and her helm's a-lee,  
Hurrah for the homeward bound!

To lay aloft in a howling breeze  
May tickle a landsman's taste,  
But the happiest hour a Samurai sees  
Is when he's down  
At his hometown,  
With the woman he loves by his side!  
And his arm around her waist!

**CHORUS**  
Then when he's off duty, not saving our land,

To the pizza parlor he's bound.

His and the team all give us a hand,

Delivering pizzas through town!

SPEEDY:  
A Samurai Pizza Cat, I—  
A thing of whiskers and fur,  
Of swords, and speed, and power ,  
And love for my country!  
And love for my country!

POLLY enters with a glass of water.

POLLY:

Here you go.

SPEEDY:  
Thanks, Polly! (happily drinks.) Mmm..good water! (kisses POLLY, who sits by him)

POLLY (sighing):

It's a lovely day today, isn't it, Speedy?

SPEEDY:

Definitely. I just wish we had more time to enjoy it.

POLLY:  
Well, it's been really quiet here these art few days..

SPEEDY:

Yeah, that's cause Big Cheese is too busy dancing around over his decision to marry.

POLLY:  
Wonder who it's gonna be?

SPEEDY:

So does everyone else. Feel sorry for whoever he chooses. It's not right to force someone to marry you. It's not like they're ever gonna have what WE do. (kisses her even deeper tha before) God, you look beautiful today. I think you must have the most beautiful eyes in the whole of Little Tokyo. I love how they sparkle like this!

POLLY:

Oh, Speedy, I love you so much.

SPEEDY:

I love you, Polly. I think I've know that or the longest time, but I never could recognize it until recently. (music starts)

They say that it's a matter of trusting before love has a chance to begin  
And it's never simple, faithless hearts can cripple  
And only a strong love survives

POLLY:  
I know they say that it's a fine line between giving up and giving in  
But once your heart's been in it you just can't forget it  
It's like nothing that you've felt in your life

POLLY and SPEEDY:  
We got real love, not infatuation  
Real love, our hearts' celebration

POLLY:  
I love you

SPEEDY:

You know I love you, too.

SPEEDY AND POLLY:  
Real love, not an imitation  
Real love, you're my destination  
Baby, you and me, we got everything we need

POLLY:  
You are such a part of my life that I can't remember me without you

SPEEDY:  
And we've had our nights, we've had our share of fights  
But we've never thought of giving it up

POLLYL:  
Oh, you and I we must be dreamers  
'Cause we're making our dreams come true

SPEEDY:  
I could spend my life just holding you so tight  
And never, ever get enough

POLLY and SPEEDY:  
We got real love, not infatuation  
Real love, our hearts' celebration

POLLY:  
I love you

SPEEDY:

You know I love you, too.

SPEEDY AND POLLY:  
Real love, not an imitation  
Real love, you're my destination  
Baby, you and me, we got everything we need

(they kiss again as GUIDO ANCHOVY comes out. He is a so-called 'Ladies Man' who speaks in a cool southern-like voice. SPEEDY and POLLY are his best friends and he's do anything for them. He is dressed in blue armor.)

GUIDO:  
Aw, come on, get a room, you two! The whole city can see you!

POLLY (teasing):

Jealous?

GUIDO (smiling):

Insanely. Now come on, get up you two, we gotta start making our way up to Town Square so Big Cheese can make his announcement we congradulate whoever it is and we can get back to work!

POLLY:  
They might want a pizza to celebrate, we better go quick.

(they exit)

**scene 3**

__

The Town Square. It is brightly decorated with many colored streamers for this day and bunches of balloon are everywhere. A NINJA CROW is standing by a decirated podium holding a bouquet of flowers and another NINJA CROW is holding a gold necklace on a red pillow. The TOWNSPEOPLE have al;l gathered at the square. MAMA BOLLDOG is near the front with her LITTLE PUP. LITTLE PUP tugs at her arm as music starts.

LITTLE PUP:  
Mama, mama, look! It's the Pizza Cats, they're here!!

MAMA (looking):

Well, so they are!

(SPEEDY, POLLY, and GUIDO then enter, brandishing their swords as all make room for them)

SPEEDY, POLLY, AND GUIDO:  
Three little Samurais are we  
Dressed as Samurais can be,  
Prepareds to defend our fair city!  
Three little Samurais!

POLLY:  
Everything brings us such fun!

SPEEDY:  
Bad guys aren't safe causee we all spare none!

GUIDO:  
When you think we're done, we've just begin!

POLLY, SPEEDY, GUIDO  
Three little Samurais

Samurais who all live at a pizza place,  
To bring a smile to people's face,  
But once duty calls we join the chase,  
Three little Samurais,  
Three little Samurais!

POLLY:  
One Samurai is me, Polly!

SPEEDY:  
Two Samurais is quick Seedy.

GUIDO:  
Three Samurais is Guido Anchovy.

POLLY, SPEEDY, AND GUIDO:  
Three little Samurais!  
Three little Samurais!

GUIDO:  
From three Samurais take one away.

POLLY  
Two Samurais with something to say.

SPEEDY  
Love had come and had it's way.

SPEEDY, GUIDO, AND POLLY  
Three little Samurais.  
Three little Samurais!

Samurais who all live at a pizza place,  
To bring a smile to people's face,  
But once duty calls we join the chase,  
Three little Samurais,  
Three little Samurais!

(All clap as AL DANTE takes the podium)

AL DANTE

Attnetion, attention, may I have all of your attention, lease! (all are quiet) Thank you very much. Ladies and Gentilemen, our Lord High Executioner, Seymour Cheese, will be here very shortly. I ask you all to give him your full and complete resect and attention!

GUIDO (snickering)

Full respect and attention, like that bozo deserves it!

POLLY:

Yeah, he ONLY tried to bur us all aliv with a runaway comet so w';d choosee HIM as Leader! Oh, how worthy of respectful (music starts)

POLLY, SPEEDY, and GUIDO:

So please you, Sir, we much regret If we have failed in etiquette

Towards a man of rank so high — We shall know better by and by.

POLLY:

But heroes, of course, must have their fling, So pardon us, So pardon us,

GUIDO:

And don't, remembering that comet thing,

Be hard on us, Be hard on us,

If we're inclined to dance and sing, Tra la la la la la. (does an exaggerated dance with his umbrella)

POLLY, GUIDO, and SPEEDY: (dancing)

But heroes, of course, must have their fling,

So pardon us,

And don't, in remembering your doing,

Be hard on us, Tra la la la la la, etc.

But heroes, of course, must have thir fling,

So pardon us, Tra la la la la la, etc. Tra la la la la la, etc.

AL DANTE:

I think you ought to recollect

You cannot show too much respect

Towards the highly titled few;

But nobody does, and why should you?

That Big Cheese must now should have his fling,  
Is hard on us,

Is hard on us;

To our prerogative we cling —

So pardon us, So pardon us,  
If we decline to dance and sing. .

POLLY, GUIDO, and SPEEDY: (dancing)

But heroes, of course, must have their fling,

So pardon us,

And don't, in remembering your doing,

Be hard on us, Tra la la la la la, etc.

But heroes, of course, must have thir fling,

So pardon us, Tra la la la la la, etc. Tra la la la la la, etc.

(BIG CHEESE then appears on the podium to huge fanfare)

NINJA CROW #1:

Ladies and Gentilemen, announcing the Lord High Executioner, our own Seymour Cheese! (all applaud and wave flags. PIZZA CATS and FRANCINE do it reluctantly.)

BIG CHEESE:

Thank you, thank you, thank you!! Thank you my fellow citizens. As you all know I have gathered you all here today for a special announceent. As you know, I Seymour Cheese, by virtue of ,my post as Lord High Executioner, do reserve the right to choose a wife from anyone here in Little Tokyo. And I have reaches a decision! (all applaud again until h waves his hands and the clapping instantly stops) The one I hav chosen as my wife is the one who I believe has the courage, the bravery, and the smarts to rule next to me. The one I have chosen is one that I know if to be the most worthy and most beautiful girl in Little Tokyo! The one I have chosen, above all others…(there is a pause. BIG CHEESE loks to where the MUSIIANS are, obviously someone is missing their cue. He stamps his foot loudly, the DRUMMER stands. He gestures and the DRUMMER does a drum roll) Ladies and Gentilemen of Little Tokyo, I Seymore Cheese, the Lord High Executioner, hereby announce, my fiance! Miss Polly Esther!!!

POLLY:

WHAT?!?!

GUIDO AND SPEEDY:

NO!!!!!

FRANCINE:  
Polly, you were chosen!!!

POLLY:  
NO way in Hell!! (tries to run, but NINJA ROWS stop her.) NO, no, let me go!!!

NINJA ROW #1:

You were chosen, he has ickd you, you have no say in the matter!!

SPEDY:

POLLY! (POLLY, in a shower of applause is guided up to the podium and Big Cheese forces her to take the flowers. He picks up the necklace.

BIG CHEESE:

Niw by this necklace ay our engagement be sealed.

POLLY:

Never!

BIG CHEESE:

What, never?!?! (he slowly strts tio turn red) I chose you, you have no say in it!!! You're mine now!!!

POLY:

I'll never be yours!

JERRU ATRI (runs on stage):

Sir, sir, calm down, calm down! Dn't forget you're on thee stage, you're in a public placee!

BIG CHEESE"  
You are my wife!! I chose you, I chose you, I picked you!!!

SPEEDY:

Leeave her alone! She's mine!

POLLY:  
I love Speedy!!! Let me go!!

JERRY ATRIC (rushes to SPEEDY as music starts)

Young man, despair,  
Likewise go to,  
Polly the fair  
You must not woo.  
It will not do:  
I'm sorry for you,  
You very imperfect ablutioner!  
This next week,  
He has picked her,  
Will wend her way,  
And to him come,  
With beat of drum  
And a rum-tum-tum,  
To wed the Lord High Executioner!

And the brass will crash,  
And the trumpets bray,  
And they'll cut a dash  
On their wedding day.  
She'll toddle away, as all aver,  
With the Lord High Executioner!

It's a hopeless case,  
As you may see,  
And in your place  
Away I'd flee;  
But don't blame me -  
I'm sorry to be  
Of your pleasure a diminutioner.  
They'll vow their pact  
Extremely soon,  
In point of fact  
Next Thurday afternoon.  
Her honeymoon  
With that buffoon  
At seven commences, so you shun her!

[Exit **JERRY ATRIC**

SPEEDY:

And have I courted for a month, or Nearly,  
To learn that Polly, whom I love so dearly,  
This day to Big Cheese is to united!

A: DANTE

The fact appears to be as you recited:  
But once he calms down to suit his station;  
He'll give you any further information.

(looks to stage) LOOK OUT!! (all go off stage and pull POLLY off as BIG CHEESE explodes and he is next scene covered in soot and ash,)

BIG CHEESE (groggily):

I'll give her my hand immediately, by the way where is my hand? (he falls down as curtains close)


	3. Aftermath

****

Polly's song is not from The Mikado, it's 'Sukiyaki' by 'A Taste Of Honey' 

Scene 4

_Interior of the Pizza Place_

(The sounds of screaming 'No, No, NO!!! I won't! I refuse, he can't MAKE me!!', throwing, breaking is heard from upstairs. FRANCINE is by the counter, wiping the tables, trying to ignore the commotion, but cringing whenever she hears another thing break. GUIDO is sitting on one of the counter with his chin in his hands in complete shock over what has just occurred, but ignoring the rant upstairs like he's used to it.)

FRANCINE (to herself):

I'm NOT paying for that! (another crash) or that. (another crash) or that!

GUIDO:

Man, I can't believe this! I honestly can't.

FRANCINE:

Her room must look like a garbage dump by now!

GUIDO:

Oh let hr get it out of her system, Francine. You and I BOTH know it's tentamount to suicide for either one of us to even TRY to go up there with her in the state she's in!

FRANCINE (as another crash is heard):

Well, one of us should try to calm her down while she still has stuff up there that isn't smashed!

GUIDO:

You eager to be decapitated, Francine? (as if to answer him another HUGE crash is heard)

FRANCINE:

On second thought….sheeeeee's got a lot of issues to work out. (GUIDO nods. FRANCINE changes the subject) So, have you seen Speedy?

GUIDO:  
He left. (shakes head) Man I can't believe this, I cannot BELIEVE this!! God why her? Of all the lady cats in Little Tokyo, he HAD to choose HER!!! (slams hand on counter)

FRANCINE:

Don't you start too!

GUIDO:

Well, I just feel so helpless. Due to this stupid law and Vi's dumb decision my two best friends have had their lives ruined and I can't do anything about it. I only hope Speedy knows what he;s doing.

FRANCINE:  
Oh, Dear, I hope he's alright! He loves Polly so much, I bet this is just killing him.

GUIDO:  
He said something about trying to go talk to Big Cheese about his decision.

FRANCCINE:

Good luck with that!

GUIDO:  
I know. But Speedy is determined to have his say with him and to try to get him to change his mind. I know Speedy when he gets that look in his eyes. (POLLY slowly comes down the stairs, looking like she went a few rounds with the karate kid. Her eyes are big and glassy like she had been crying and her knuckles are red like she has just stopped throwing things. FRANCINE ad GUIDO look at her like this is normal)

FRANCINE 

Are you finished? Feel better?

POLLY (sarcastically):

Or sure. I'm great. I ONLY just found out that the one I despise more than anything on Earth just informed me he's chosen me to be his wife and I HAVE to marry him next week, no ifs, ands, or buts, and the one I love more than anything just had his heart broken and I can't do anything about it. Other that that, sure, I'm just swell. Pop open a bottle of soda and let's make a toast! Toast my stupid, STUPID LIFE!!! (she wipes dishes angrily off the table and throws herself down upon it, burying her head in her arms. She starts sobbing as GUIDIO and FRANCINE look on helplessly.) Damn Cheese, Damn this rule, damn thos WHOLE THING!! DAMN MY LIFE!!!!!

GUIDO (gets up and carefully puts arm around POLLY):

It's OK, It's OK, just let it out.

POLLY (looks up):

Where's Speedy? Is he OK? Oh God, I can't forget the look on his face…he's so hurt…and I can't do anything!

FRANCINE:  
He went to talk to Big Cheese.

GUIDO:

Which indicates, he should be flying through the wall any minute! (he laughs at his joke while POLLY and FRANCINE give him LOOKS He quickly stops)

POLLY:

Guido, hand me the frying pan, there?

GUIDO (starts, but then stops):

No, you're gonna hit me with it.

POLLY:

No, Guido, I won't hit you this time.

GUIDO:

Ya promise?

POLLY:

I promise. (GUIDO gives frying pan to POLLY. POLLY hands it to FRANCINE who proceeds to wallop GUIDO over head, and gives it back to POLLY. GUIDO puts hands up and POLLY rises) I'm going out in the backyard for a walk. (FRANCINE and GUIDO nod. POLLY exits. Front door opens and GOOD BIRD enters. He looks like a NINJA CROW, complete with green armor, but he's on the side of the CATS. He looks sad and sympathetic.)

GOOD BIRD:  
Hi, guys.

GUIDO:  
Aftrnoon, Good Bird.

GOOD BIRD:  
Forgive me, your door was open.

FRANCCINE:

It's OK, Good Bird. Come on in, poor yourself a soda.

GOOD BIRD (sits):

Thanks. Sooooooo..how's the Poor Bride To Be of the Big Cheese?

GUIDO:

Just as well as you'd expect.

GOOD BIRD:

Room look like a hurricane went through it?

FRANCINE:

Pretty much.

GOOD BIRD:  
Had a feeling. Where is she anyway?

GUIDO:

She went for a walk in the backyard. She's got a lot to work out.

**Scene 5**

_Backyard of the Pizza Place. We see what looks like a lovely garden in the foreground, complete with a small waterfall. There's a white circular cement boarder around it. POLLY enters from back door and sits down upon it._

POLLY:

Oh, Speedy, please forgive me. You know you're the last one I ever want to hurt. (music starts as she looks down) I don't know why this is happening. Pleasee know that I love you. I've always loved you so much…oh maybe this is my fault. If I told you how I felt BFORE the comet…maybe we would have been married already and Big Cheese wouldn't be able to do this! Speedy…please know I do lov you…

Sings:

It's all because of him, I'm feeling sad and blue  
You went away now,

My love is just a rainy day  
I love you so, how much you'll never know  
You've gone away and left me lonely

Unintentional memory

Seemed to depart to me  
Of love that's true  
That one day turned my gray skies blue  
But you disappeared  
Now my eyes are filled with tears  
I'm wishin you were here with me

Stop this love that I have for you  
Now that it must be gone I don't know what to do

If only you were here,

You'd wash away my tears  
The sun would shine and

Once again you'd be mine, all mine.  
But in reality, I know it will never be  
Cause he took your love away from me,

(NINJA CROWS burst in just as the song is finishing)

NINJA CROW #1:

Polly Ester?

POLLY (rises):

That's me.

NINJA CROW #1:

Under Orders from His Honor Seymore Cheese, we are required to bring you personally to his mansion where he has required an audience with his bride to be!

POLLY:  
You tell him to go stick his kimono where the sun don't shine. I'm not gojng!

NINJA CROW #2:

You are his betrothed and you MUST come see him, that is NOT a request.

POLY:  
No.

NINJA CROW #3:

There is no 'No's' about it. You KNOW the rules. He has chosen you, you are required to marry him next Thursday, and he wishes to meet with you NOW!

AL DANTE (appearing from the group)

Polly, pleasee don't make this more difficult than it already is.

POLLY (starts to run):

I do NOT want to see him! He's ALREADY ruined my life!! (AL DANTE runs and stops her)

AL DANTE:  
POLLY! You have no choice. Let;s go and get this over with!

POLLY (starts to retract her claws):

NO!!

AL DANTE:  
Don't you retract those claws at ME, Missy! Let's not forget who your boss still is. (POLLY calms down and just looks sad) Now, let's go.

(they exit)


	4. Confrontation

All songs are from The Mikado (with notable changes)

**Scene 6**

_BIG CHEESE'S mansion- interior. BIG CHEESE enters with NINJA CROWS_

BIG CHEESE (handing list to NINJA CROW #1):

Invite the guests on this list. (To NINJA CROW #2) You, find me 20 of the best cooks in Little Tokyo.

NINJA CROW #2:

Yes, Sir I will hire the best, the ones who can willingly eat their own dishes in front of me!

BIG CHEESE:

How can that prove anything?

NINJA CROW #2

Oh, Big Cheese, it's a well-known culinary fact that a well-breed and well taught chef can willingly eat his own creations easily if someone asks him to! Therefore if a chef can't eat his own creation, he can't go with me!

BIG CHEESE:

Brilliant! That's excellent thinking, remind me to give you a raise after I gert back from my Honeymoon!

NINJA CROW #2:

Give me a raise after your Honeymoon!

BIG CHEESE:

Be off with you! Hurry, hurry or we won't be prepared for this great day! (NINJA CROWS exit as JERRU ATRIC enters. POLLY, now dressed in a pink kimono with her hair styled up follows behind him)

JERRY ATRIC:

Here is your betrothed, Sir.

BIG CHEESE (to POLLY as he takes her hand and kisses it):

Happily met, my Lady and my Wife!

POLLY (looking around):

Oh, really? Where?

BIG CHEESE:

Funny, very funny. (to rest of NINJA CROWS) She is not only beautiful but has a great sense of humor as well. (To POLLY) You know perfectly well my wife you WILL be, Darling, next Thursday!

POLLY (sarcastically):

And I'm SOOOOOO looking forward to it!

BIG CHEESE:

I know you have, you came, didn't you?

POLLY:

Like I had much of a choice.

BIG CHEES:  
NOW you're finally understanding! Com now, see what you're going to receive from me next week. Look around, I'll have Jerry give you a tour. All these gorgeous rooms with golden floors, all the jewels you want, all the clothes you can deesire! Look at the garden outside, all the lovely flowers all for you to enjoy! And all I ask is that you say you love me.

POLLY:

If I did it would be worth saying to your back than your face.

BIG CHEESE:

Your face is mine now, don't slander it.

POLLY (gtting irritated):

Is there a REASON you called me here OTHER than to give me a tour?!

BIG CHEESE:  
In fact, there is! (to NINJA CROWS):

I want to show you all once and for all why I chose her as my wife. She is not only beautiful and funny but talented as well. (to POLLY) you DO have your flute, right?

POLLY (taking it out):

I don't go anywhere without it. (sadly) it was a special gift. Speedy gave this to me when we were little kittens..

BIG CHEESE:

Ah, forget him! (takes out money) Here, buy another. Buy a DOZEN others! Haa,haa. But for now, my love, wil you not entertain us? Com, play something for us! Use that wonderful talent you have! (sees POLLY'S face as she gives money back) What? Don';t want another? After our wedding I'll buy you one of gold! But for now, play! Play like you can't hel yourself …(threatngly) cause you CAN'T! Now, Play! (POLLY gives him filthy look…but she starts to play. The melody is haunting and sad and they are all crying at the end of it. BIG CHEESE sobs) What did I tell you? What did I tell you all, huh?! So gorgeous, so special, and so talented! Oh my Dear, what a gift you have! For that I'll give you a personal tour of the land! Jerry Atric! (JERRY ATRIC comes forward) Come, give my wife to be the grand tour of the ansion! (to OLLY) Till we see eeach other again, my love, farewell. And accept this loving kiss! (kisses her. POLLY looks at the audiencce disgustedly and wipes her mouth angrily when BIG CHEESE turns his back. Exit POLLY and JERRY ATRIC) Ah, this beautiful day! Could my life get any better! Saved from Prisoner's Island, a new job, and now engaged to the most beautiful cat in Little Tokyo! (enter SPEEDY) 

SPEEDY (angrily):

Big Cheese! (BIG CHEESE turns around angrily) A word.

BIG CHEESE:

What may I do for you?

SPEEDY:

I can tell you one thing….cancel this wedding to Polly!

BIG CHEESE:

Why should I do that, huh? I'm the Lord High Executioner, and as such I can have any girl I want!!

SPEEDY:

But you can't have Polly!

BIG CHEESE:

Pray tell why not?

SPEEDY:

I love her!

BIG CHEESE:

And I thought we'd have nothing in common! I too love her!

SPEEDY:

Not like I do! I've loved her since we were little kittens! She's my best friend, she's my partner, she's everything in the world to me!

BIG CHEESE:

Now touching, but it's funny how she's still single..that is, until next Thursday!

SPEEDY:

But she doesn't love you, Big Cheese, and she never will!

BIG CHEESE:

What makes you so sure she loves YOU?! I can give her a whole lot more! Look around, open your eyes, look what I have! (gestures around his mansion) I can giv her riches, jewels, gold to her heart;s desire!

SPEEDY:

You don';t know her at all! She won't accept that. She's not into that sort of stuff.

BIG CHEESE:

Than I'll give her weapons, stars, brand new armor, anything she wants. Facee it. You're out, and I'm IN!  


SPEEDY (pulls out his sword):

Not if I can help it!

BIG CHEESE:

You DARE to raise a sword to me?! You do realise who you're dealing with, I'm the Lord High Excutioner, I ca have you obliterated with one stroke of my axe and it would b perfectly legal!

SPEEDY:

Imagine that, so can I!

BIG CHEESE (smugly):

Oh, how bad your memory is! But try to attack ME, Cerveche, and you'll be sent one way to Prisoner's Island! Remember, I'm of MUCH higher post than you! We must be a good Samurai and remember the rules! (SPEEDY drops his sword, knowing he's licked) Very wise, I must say. Now be off with you! (BIG CHEESE eexits. POLLY enters from the right)

POLLY:

Speedy!

SPEEDY (looks up):

Polly! (she runs into his arms and they kiss tenderly)

POLLY:

Speedy, what are you doing here?

SPEEDY (sadly):

Trying to talk some sense into Big Cheese.

POLLY:

Dare I ask how that went?

SPEEDY:

As well as can be expected. He reminded me that no matter what we feel about each other, his law forbids us to be together now.

POLLY:

Jerry Atrick reminded me also that no matter how mad I make him now, I have to control myself and can't even say anything. Damn this law!!! DAMN HIM!! I love you, Speedy!

SPEEDY (embracing POLLY as music starts):

I love you too, Polly.

(SingsJ

Were you not to Big Cheese plighted, I would say in tender tone, "Loved one, let us be united — Let us be each other's own!" I would merge all rank and station, Worldly sneers are nought to us, And, to mark my admiration, I would kiss you fondly thus —

__

[Kisses her

Both

I/He would kiss you/me fondly thus —

__

[Kiss

POLLY:

But as I'm engaged to Big Cheese, To embrace you thus, con fuoco, Would distinctly be no gioco, And for that I should get toco —

SPEEDY:

So, In spite of all temptation, Such a theme I'll not discuss, And on no consideration Will I kiss you fondly thus — Will I kiss you fondly thus —

__

[Kissing her

Let me make it clear to you, This is what I'll never do! This, oh, this, _[kiss_ Oh, this, _[kiss_ Oh, this, — _[kiss_ This is what I'll never, never do!

Both

This, oh, this — Oh, this — Oh, this — This, oh, this — Oh, this — Oh, this — This, This is what I'll never do! He'll never do!

I'll never do!

He'll never do!

Oh, this —

This is what he'll never, never do! This is what I'll never, never do!

(they kiss again, but the kiss gets deeper and more passionate. GUIDO come sin then and sees this)

GUIDO:

Psst, psst, hey, you two, are you nuts!! Stop that before Big Cheese sees you and decapitates you!!!\

SPEEDY (sadly):

Go ahead, let him, I don';t even care anymore! (embraces POLLY) I love you. (kisses hr gentily…then slowly lets her go. and walks off)


	5. The Deal

****

All songs are from The Mikado except for Speedy's song, which is 'How Am I Supposed To Live Without You' by Micheal Bolten.

Scene 8

_Interior of BIG CHEESE'S main office. BIG CHEESE is sitting at a white desk, currently on the phone._

BIG CHEESE (on the phone):

No, no, no! I want the finest China that you have in your shop! I want at least 35 of them delivered to my main palace by next Wednesday. I also want the best silverware, a complete set for each plate. And MAKE SURE I get it by next week, I'm getting married and I want it all perfect! (JERRY ATRIC then enters with a scroll as BIG CHEESE hangs up) Come in.

JERRY ATRIC (waving scroll)

Your Highness, a message for you from Her Royal Highness, the Princess Violet of Little Tokyo.

BIG CHEESE:

Fine, read it.

JERRY ATRIC:

Right now, your Highness?

BIG CHEESE:

Yes, right now. But make it quick, I got a wedding feast to prepare! Hurry up!

JERRY ATRIC (unrolling scroll):

Yes, Big Cheese (mumbling to himself) Only cause you can't read yourself..

BIG CHEESE (quickly standing):

WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!

JERRY ATRIC (quickly correcting himself):

I said, I will read out loud myself!

BIG CHEESE (sitting back at his chair):

That's all I ask. You may begin.

JERRY ATRIC (clearing his throat):

A Royal Message from Her Royal Magesty the Princess Violet of Little Tokyo. (AL DANTE enters just in time to hear this) Dear Mr. Seymore Cheese, it has come to the attention of the Royal Court that your branch of Little Tokyo has not been fulfilling it's execution quota. It is imperative that this get fixed at once and the quota restored or the Royal Court will have no choice but to strip you of your title and reduce the Town Of Little Tokyo to the rank of…(gasps)…village!

BIG CHEESE:

WHAT?!

JERRY ATRIC:

It is imperative that this get..

BIG CHEESE:

I HEARED WHAT YOU SAID, I KNEW THAT THE FIRST TIME!!

JERRY ATRIC (continues):

Pleasee take this matter into careful consideration. If one more execution is performed in Little Tokyo in 2 months, than the land can remain as is. If not the rank will be diminished to village and you will hereby be removed as Lord High Executioner. Your humble and Magestic (drumroll is heard) Princess Vi.

BIG CHEESE:

One more execution!!! We need to off at least one person!

JERRY ATRIC:

You'd better do it quick! Imagine the shame we will have to endure if Our noble and beautiful Kingdom was reduced to nothing more than a …village!! (AL DANTE and BIG CHEESE both gasp) Oh, Big Cheese, if you are merciful, PLEASE, PLEASE execute someone as soon as possible! All we need is to get rid of one person and our reputation is saved!!

BIG CHEESE (taking out his list):

Yeah, yah, get rid of one….but gee, WHICH one?! There's so many here…

AL DANTE:

You?

BIG CHEES:  
WHAT?! ME?!

AL DANTE:

Face it, Big Cheese, you WERE the next one to be executed when Princess Vi made that 'no flirting' law…which if I recall lead to your promotion as Lord High Executioner. YOUR name was next on the list (which could also explain why you haven't killed anyone since you've had this position!)

BIG CHEESE (slowly turning red):

YOU DARE TO SUGGEST I TURN A SWORD ON MYSELF?!?! YOU DARE TO EVEN SAY THAT?! NEED I REIND YOU SUICIDE IS A CAPITAL OFFENSE IN LITTLE TOKYO, NOT TO MENTION IT IS CONSIDERED A DANGEROUS AND FOOLISH THING TO DO?!?! 

JERRY ATRIC (to himself):

That should fit you very nicely!

BIG CHEESE (yelling):

WHAT WAS THAT?!?!

JERRY ATRIC:  
DUCK!!! (BIG CHEESE blows up, leaving all of them in soot) Uuugh…

BIG CHEESE:  
Now, what was it you were saying?

JERRY ATRIC:  
I was saying we have tio find someone ELSE to execute!

BIG CHEESE:

Thank you….maybe YOU, Jerry Atri, would LOVE to volenteer!

JERRU ATRIC (as music starts):

Who, me?

BIG CHEESE:

Golly, I don't know do you SEE anyone else here with your name?!

JERRY ATRIC (sings):

I am so proud,

If I allowed

My family pride

To be my guide,

I'd volunteer

To quit this sphere

Instead of you

In a minute or two,

But family pride

Must be denied,

And set aside,

And mortified,

And mortified.

BIG CHEESE:

My brain it teams 

With endless schemes

Both new and old,

For Tokyo,

For Tokyo;

But if I flit,

The benefit

That I'd diffuse

The town would lose!

Now every man

To aid his clan

Should plot and plan

As best he can.

\AL DANTE:

I heard one day

A gentleman say

That criminals who

Are cut in two

Can hardly feel

The fatal steel,

And so are slain

Are slain without much pain.

If this is true,

It's jolly for you;

Your courage screw

To bid us adieu.

Second time together

****

BIG CHEESE (speaking):

WHAT?!?!

AL DANTE (quickly):

Nothing, Sir!

BIG CHEESE (speaking):

Good! (sings)

And so,

Although I'm ready to go,

Yet recollect

'Twere disrespect

Did I neglect

To thus effect

This aim direct,

So I object —

JERRY ATRIC:  
And so,

Although I wish to go,

And greatly pine

To brightly shine,

And take the line

Of a hero fine,

With grief condign

I must decline.

AL DANTE:

And go

And show

Both friend and foe

How much you dare.

I'm quite aware

It's your affair.

Yet I declare

I'd take your share,

But I don't much care.

TOGETHER: AL DANTE, BIG CHEESE, JERRY ATRIC:

I must decline

So I object

I'd take your share but

I don't much care

\ To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,

In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,

Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,  
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!

To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,

In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,

Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,

From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!

A dull, dark dock, a life-long lock,

A short, sharp shock, a big black block!

To sit in solemn silence in a pestilential prison,

And awaiting the sensation

From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!

(all fall silent, thinking)

JERRY ATRIC:  
But, what can we do, Sir? If something isn't done…we'll have to call ourselves, a village!!

AL DANTE:  
What shame!! What shame, oh we have to do something, Sir!

BUG CHEESE (glances out the window…light falls on SPEEDY, sitting on a rock, crying quietly to himself. BIG CHEESE slowly smiles):

Excuse me, Gentilemen, I think inspiration has hit me! (he exits)

**Scene 9**

_Palace courtyard. SPEEDY is sitting on a rock by lovely sparlking pool, sobbing quietly and holding his head in his hands. )_

SPEEDY ( sings to himself):

  
I could hardly believe it  
When I heard the news today  
I had to come and get it straight from you  
They said you were leavin'  
Someone swept you heart away  
From the look upon your face I see it's true  
So tell me all about it, tell me 'bout the plans you're makin'  
Then tell me one thing more before I go

Tell me how am I supposed to live without you  
Now that I've been lovin' you so long  
How am I supposed to live without you  
How am I supposed to carry on  
When all that I've been livin' for is gone

I didn't come here for cryin'  
Didn't come here to breakdown  
It's just a dream of mine is coming to an end  
An how can I blame you  
When I built my world around  
The hope that someday we'd be so much more than friends  
And I don't wanna know the price I'm gonna pay for dreaming  
When even now it's more than I can take

And I don't wanna face the price I'm gonna pay for dreaming  
But it's not like your dream has come true

Tell me how am I supposed to live without you  
Now that I've been lovin' you so long  
How am I supposed to live without you  
How am I supposed to carry on  
When all that I've been livin' for is gone  
(he puts his head between his knees as BIG CHEESE comes up to him and listens quietly.)

Polly…how am I supposed to go on…how do they expect me too?! We've been best friends since w were kittens! God…when have we ever been without each other? Now he expects me to…oh, Polly I almost lost you when the comet same..Poly, I don't wanna go through that again. But, they want me too!!! (looks at his sword..then throws it down) How the hell can I even hope to be a Samurai if I can't have you next to me?!?! How can I concentrate without thinking of you?! (puts his heead in his hands) Polly…how can I even live without you nar me?

BIG CHEESE:

Do you honestly mean that?

SPEEDY (not even looking up):

What do YOU want?!

BIG CHEESE:

Now, is that any wasy to greet someone who wants to help you out?

SPEEDY:  
How can you POSSIBLY help me out?! Unless you can tell me you've broken your engagement to Polly..

BIG CHEESE:

Why, you MUST be psychic!! That's ERXACTLY what I've come her to tell you!!

SPEEDY (quickly looks up):

What?!

BIG CHEESE:

Yeah, I've reconsidered. You can marry Polly.

SPEEDY (overjoyed):

I..you…me..I CAN!!! (suddenly atches himself) Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait a minute!! What do YOU get out of this?!

BIG CHEESE:

Why, you hurt me! To think I'd ever want anything from you..

SPEEDY:  
Quit playing games, Big Cheese, I know you too well. You want something. What do you want?

BIG CHEESE:

How much do you love Polly?

SPEEDY:

What do you mean?

BIG HEESE:

Would you die for Polly's love?

SPEEDY:

What are you talking about?

BIG CHEESE:

Just answer the question. Would you die for Polly's love? Or wouldn't you?

SPEEDY:

Very well, Big Cheese. YES, I would!

BIG CHEESE:

Well, I'm prepared to make a deal with ya!

SPEEDY:

What kind of deal?

BIG CHEESE:

Princess Vi just informed me that if I don't get my execution quota filled in two months I lose my position and this town gets reduced to a village!

SPEEDY:

A VILLAGE?! NO!

BIG CHEESE:

Right. So, what I'm proosing will help both me and the village.

SPEEDY:

Get to the point, Big Cheese.

BIG CHEESE:

I'll let you marry Polly for one month. But by the end of the month, you let me execute you!

SPEEDY:

So, one month of bliss, and by the end of it, you kill me! I don't know..

BIG CHEESE:

Do you WANT the town reduced to a village?

SPEEDY:

Absolutely not!

BIG CHEESE:

Do you want to live without Polly?

SPEEDY:

I don't know if I can.

BIG CHEESE:

Well, I'm giving you a chance to have your love, and to save our villag at the same time!

SPEEDY:

Polly won't go for this!

BIG CHEESE:

Who's gonna tell? Look, I'll make it look like an accident so that she won't know. (to the audience) Then I'll comfort her, be there for her, and marry her! (to SPEEDY) You get Polly for a month, then the town is saved and everybody wins! Polly doesn't even have to know this!

SPEEDY:

I don';t know…

BIG CHEESE:

Thank about it. I'm gletting you have all you want AND the chance to die a hero!

SPEEDY (to himself):

Polly, I love you. But I love this town..and the last thing I want is for this to be a village. I get to have you for a month, and a month is better than nothing….(to BIG CHEESE) It's a deal.

BIG CHEESE (shakes his hand):

Excellent!

(they exit)


	6. End of Act 1

The first song is 'Butterfly', from Dance Dance Revolution, and the other song is taken from The Mikado

****

Scene 10

__

The Town Square of Little Tokyo. BIG CHEESE enters with JERRY ATRIC and boards the nearby stage.

JERRY ATRIC

You sure you know what you're doing, Sir?

BIG CHEESE:

I'm telling you this plan can NOT fail! In one month we get our execution, and I get my bride! I tell ya, it's foolproof!

JERRY ATRIC:

Yeah, made for fools like you, no offense

BIG CHEESE (pretending to laugh):

Ha,ha,ha,ha. None taken at all, why your pathetic attempt at humor amuzes me!

JERRY ATRIC:

Who are you calling 'pathetic'?!

BIG CHEESE:

GOLLY, I CAN'T IMAGINE, WHO'S THE ONLY ONE HERE WITH ME RIGHT NOW?!

__

(DANCING GIESA GIRLS then enter)

Ah, my entertainment. Jerry Atric, go fetch everyone in Little Tokyo. I want all of them here in this square in ten minutes, you understand? ALL of them, no exceptions, now go! (JERRY ATRIC exits) Now, girls, som entertainment. A song and dance, if you will!

(Music starts as GIRLS start to dance a traditional Japanse dance and sing)

GIRLS (sing):

Ay, iyaiyai,  
Ay, iyaiyai  
A-a-a iyaiyai,  
Where's my samurai

I've been searching for a man  
All across Japan  
Just to find, to find my samurai  
Someone who is strong  
But still a little shy  
Yes I need, I need my samurai

Ay, ay, ay, I'm your little butterfly  
Green, black and blue,  
Make the colors in the sky  
Ay, ay, ay, I'm your little butterfly  
Green, black and blue,  
Make the colors in the sky

I've been searching in the woods  
And high upon the hills  
Just to find, to find my samurai  
Someone who won't regret  
To keep me in his net  
Yes I need, I need my samurai

Ay, ay, ay,  
I'm your little butterfly  
Green, black and blue,  
Make the colors in the sky  
Ay, ay, ay, I'm your little butterfly  
Green, black and blue,  
Make the colors in the sky

Ay, iyaiyai,  
Ay, iyaiyai  
A-a-a iyaiyai,  
Where's my samurai

Ay, iyaiyai,  
Ay, iyaiyai  
A-a-a iyaiyai.

Ay, ay, ay, I'm your little butterfly  
Green, black and blue,  
Make the colors in the sky  
Ay, ay, ay, I'm your little butterfly  
Green, black and blue,  
Make the colors in the sky  
Ay, ay, ay, I'm your little butterfly  
Green, black and blue,  
Make the colors in the sky Ay, ay, ay, I'm your little butterfly  
Green, black and blue,  
Make the colors in the sky

Ay, iyaiyai,  
Ay, iyaiyai  
A-a-a iyaiyai,  
Where's my samurai

Ay, iyaiyai,  
Ay, iyaiyai  
A-a-a iyaiyai,  
Where's my samurai

Ay, ay, ay, I'm your little butterfly  
Green, black and blue,  
Make the colors in the sky

(at the end BIG CHEESE claps as PEOPLE of LITTLE TOKYO appear. SPEEDY then enters and BIG CHEESE motions for him to join him up on the stage as music starts.. _Enter **CHORUS, AL DANTE & JERRY ATRIC**_

**CHORUS:**  
With aspect stern  
And gloomy stride,  
We come to learn  
How you decide.

Don't hesitate  
Your choice to name,  
A dreadful fate  
You'll suffer all the same.  
A dreadful fate  
You'll suffer all the same.

AL DANTE

To ask you what you mean to do we punctually appear.

BIG CHEESE

Congratulate me gentlemen: I've found a volunteer!

**ALL:**

The Japanese equivalent for hear, hear, hear!

**BIG CHEESE:**_(Presenting him.)_

'Tis Speedy Cerviche.

**ALL:**

Hail Speedy Cerviche!

**BIG CHEESE:**

I think he'll do?

**ALL:**

Yes, yes, he'll do!

**BIG CHEESE:**  
He yields his life if I'll Polly surrender,  
Now I adore that girl with passion tender,  
Or her allot,  
If I did not  
Adore myself with passion tenderer still,  
With passion tenderer still.

_[Enter POLLY**, GOOD BIRD, CARLA, GUIDO & FRANCINE**_

**ALL:**  
Ah, yes!  
He loves himself with passion tenderer still.

**BIG CHEESE:**_(To SPEEDY):_

Take her. She's yours! (behind fan, to audience) For now!

_[Exit **BIG CHEESE**_

POLLY:

Speedy, what happened?

SPEEDY:

Big Cheese is breaking your engagement and letting us b together.

POLLY:

But how, Speedy?

SPEEDY:

I talked to him..and nearly threatened his life, but that's not important now, I'll take care of it, but for now, it's you and me, Polly! (gets down on one knee in front of everyone, causing some to gasp) Polly Esther, in front of everyone here, will you marry me?

POLLY (jumps into his arms):

Yes, Speedy! (kisses him deeply) I love you!

SPEEDY:

I love you, too! (they kiss. SPEEDY sings):  
The threatened cloud has passed away,

POLLY 

And brightly shines the dawning day;

SPEEDY

What though the night may come too soon,

POLLY:

There's yet a month of afternoon!

****

GUIDO, GOOD BIRD, CARLA and FRANCINE:  
Then let the throng  
Our joy advance,  
With laughing song  
And merry dance,  
Then let the throng  
Our joy advance,  
With laughing song  
And merry dance,  
With laughing song  
And merry dance,  
With laughing song.

**CHOUS:**  
With joyous shout, with joyous shout and ringing cheer,  
Inaugurate, inaugurate their brief career!  
With Joyous shout and ringing cheer,  
Inaugurate their brief career!  
With Joyous shout and ringing cheer,  
Inaugurate their brief career!

FRANCINE 

A day, a week, a month, a year —

**POLLY:**

Or far or near, or far or near,

GUIDO

Life's eventime comes much too soon,

**JERRY ATRIC:**

\You'll live at least a honeymoon!

POLLY**, FRANCINE, GUIDO, GOOD BIRD, CARLA and SPEEDY:**  
Then let the throng  
Our joy advance,  
With laughing song  
And merry dance,  
Then let the throng  
Our joy advance,  
With laughing song  
And merry dance,  
With laughing song  
And merry dance,  
With laughing song.

**CHORUS:**  
With joyous shout, with joyous shout and ringing cheer,  
Inaugurate, inaugurate their brief career!  
With Joyous shout and ringing cheer,  
Inaugurate their brief career!  
With Joyous shout and ringing cheer,  
Inaugurate their brief career!  
Laughing song, merry dance,  
With laughing song and merry dance!

**JERRY ATRIC:**  
As in a month you've got to die,  
If Big Cheese tells us true,  
'Twere empty compliment to cry,  
"Long life to Speedy, true!"  
But as one month to live as fellow citizen,  
This toast with three times three we'll give:  
"Long life,  
Long life to you —  
Long life to you —  
Long life to you — till then!"

**CHORUS:**  
May all good fortune, all good fortune prosper you,  
May you have health, may you have health and riches too,  
May all good fortune prosper you,  
May you have health and riches too,  
May you succeed in all you do!

JERRY ATRIC:  
Long life, long life to you — till then!  
_(ALL Dance)_

_[Enter **LUCIELLE ** melodramatically_

LUCIELLE

Your revels cease! Assist me, all of you!

CHORUS 

Why, who is this whose excited eyes  
Rain blight on our festivities?

LUCIELLE 

I claim my perjured lover, Speedy!  
Oh, fool! to shun delights that never cloy!

**CHORUS:**

Go, leave thy deadly work undone!

LUCIELLE

Come back, oh, shallow fool! come back to joy!

**CHORUS:**

Away, away! ill-favoured one!

**SPEEDY:** _(Aside to POLLY)_ :

Oh no! Lucielle!  
I told her we were through and I loved you. I better leave before she blows this lace up!  
_(About to go)_

**POLLY:** _(Detaining him)_

No! You shall not go,  
These arms shall thus enfold you!

**LUCIELLE:**

_(Addressing SPEEDY)_  
Oh fool, that fleest  
My hallowed joys!  
Oh blind, that seest  
No equipoise!  
Oh rash, that judgest  
From half, the whole!  
Oh base, that grudgest  
Love's lightest dole!  
Thy heart unbind,  
Oh fool, oh blind!  
Give me my place,  
Oh rash, oh base!  
Thy heart unbind,  
Give me my place,  
Oh fool, oh blind!  
Oh rash, oh base!  
Thy heart unbind,  
Give me, give me my place!

**CHORUS:**  
If she's thy bride, restore her place,  
Oh fool, oh blind, oh rash, oh base!

**LUCIELLE** _(Addressing POLLY):_  
Pink cheek, that rulest  
Where wisdom serves!  
Bright eye, that foolest  
Heroic nerves!  
Rose lip, that scornest  
Lore-laden years!  
Smooth tongue, that warnest  
Who rightly hears!  
Thy doom is nigh.  
Pink cheek, bright eye!  
Thy knell is rung,  
Rose lip, smooth tongue!  
Thy doom is nigh,  
Thy knell is rung,  
Pink cheek, bright eye!  
Rose lip, smooth tongue!  
Thy doom is nigh,  
Thy knell, thy knell is rung!

I know we were friends, but no more, no more,

I'm sorry but your lover is the one I adore

**CHORUS:**  
True be not her tale, thy knell is not rung,  
Pink cheek, bright eye, rose lip, smooth tongue!

****

LUCIELLE: **CHORUS:**

Thy doom is nigh, True be not her tale, thy knell is rung,

Thy knell is rung, True be not her tale, thy knell is rung,

Thy knell, thy knell is rung! Thy knell is not rung!

FRANCINE:  
Away, nor prosecute your quest —  
From our intention, well expressed,  
You cannot turn us!  
The state of your connubial views  
Towards the person you accuse  
Does not concern us!

**GUIDO:**

For he's going to marry Polly —

**ALL:**

Polly!

FRANCINE

Your anger pray bury,  
For all will be merry,  
I think you had better succumb —

**ALL:**

Cumb-cumb!

**FRANCINE:**

And join our expressions of glee.  
On this subject I pray you be dumb —

**ALL:**

Dumb-dumb!

**FRANCINE:**

You'll find there are many  
Who'll wed for a penny  
The word for your guidance is "Mum" —

**ALL:**

Mum-mum!

**CARLA:**

There's lots of good fish in the sea!

**ALL:**  
On this subject I pray you be dumb — dumb — dumb.  
We think you had better succumb — cumb — cumb!  
You'll find there are many  
Who'll wed for a penny,  
Who'll wed for a penny —  
There are lots of good fish in the sea!  
There are lots of good fish in the sea!  
There's lots of good fish, good fish in the sea!  
There's lots of good fish, good fish in the sea,  
In the sea, in the sea, in the sea, in the sea!

**LUCIELLE:**  
The hour of gladness  
Is dead and gone;  
In silent sadness  
I live alone!  
The hope I cherished  
All lifeless lies,  
And all has perished,  
All has perished,  
Save love, which never dies!

Oh, faithless one, this insult you shall rue,  
In vain for mercy on your knees you'll sue!  
I'll tear the mask from your disguising!

**SPEEDY:** _(Aside):_

Now comes the blow!

**LUCIELLE:**

Prepare yourselves for news surprising!

**SPEEDY** _(Aside)_

How foil my foe?

**LUCIELLE:**

No marriage this, despite bravado!

**AL DANTE:** _(Aside, struck by an idea)_

Ha! ha! I know!

**LUCIELLE:**

After only one month he shall be —

_(**AL DANTE and CHORUS**, interrupting, sing Japanese words to drown her voice.)_

**ALL:**

O ni! bikkuri shakkuri to!

**LUCIELLE:**

In vain you interrupt with this tornado!  
But one month hence he shall —

**ALL:**

O ni! bikkuri shakkuri to!

**LUCIELLE:**

I'll spoil —

**ALL:**

O ni! bikkuri shakkuri to!

**LUCIELLE:**

Your foolish gambado!  
He will —

**ALL:**

O ni! bikkuri shakkuri to!

**LUCIELLE:**

He will —

**ALL:**

O ni! bikkuri shakkuri to!

**LUCIELLE:**

In one month he must—

**ALL:**

O ni! bikkuri shakkuri to! oya! oya!

**LUCIELLE (getting angrier and angrier):**  
Ye torrents roar,  
Ye tempests howl!  
Your wrath outpour,  
With angry growl!  
Do ye your worst, my vengeance call  
Shall rise triumphant over all!

**ALL:**  
We'll hear no more,  
Ill-omened owl.  
To joy we soar,  
Despite your scowl!  
The echoes of our festival  
Shall rise triumphant over all!

**LUCIELLE:**  
Prepare for woe,  
Ye haughty lords,  
At once I go  
Princess Vi-wards.

GUIDO (speaking):

Lucielle, please calm down!! Lucielle…what about me? LUCIELLE BE CAREFULL WITH YOUR MISSLES!!!

**ALL:**  
Away you go,  
Collect your hordes;  
Proclaim your woe  
In dismal chords;

P**OLLY:**

We do not heed their dismal sound,

**SPEEDY:**

For joy reigns everywhere around.

**POLLY:**

We do not heed their dismal sound,

**POLLY and SPEEDY:**

For joy reigns everywhere around.

POLLY : ** SPEEDY:**

The echoes of our festival The echoes of our festival

Shall rise triumphant over all! Shall rise triumphant over all!

Shall rise triumphant, Shall rise triumphant over all!

Triumphant over all! Triumphant over all!

Shall rise triumphant over all! Shall rise triumphant over all!

****

CHORUS:

We'll hear no more, ill-omened owl.

To joy we soar, despite your scowl!

To joy we soar,

To joy we soar, despite your scowl!

LUCIELLE:

My wrongs with vengeance shall be crowned!

****

CHORUS:

We do not heed their dismal sound,

For joy reigns everywhere around!

We do not heed their dismal sound,\

For joy reigns everywhere around!

We do not heed their

dismal sound,

For joy reigns everywhere around!

LUCIELLE:

My wrongs with vengeance shall be crowned

My wrongs with vengeance shall be crowned!

[LUCIELLE rushes furiously up stage, as she has now had it and the missles in her hair and back go off with stinging sounds as GUIDO cries, 'Wait, Lucielle!' The missles proceed to clear the crowd right and left, finishing on the steps at the back of the stage

****

[END OF ACT ONE


	7. Discovery

****

The song is from 'The Mikado' 

ACT II

Scene 1

A few days later.

__

The backyard of the Pizza Place. POLLY is sitting in a brand new pink wedding kimono as FRANCINE, CARLA and several GISHAS prepare her for her upcoming wedding.

GISHAS (sing):  
Braid the scarlett hair —  
Weave the supple tress —  
Deck the maiden fair  
In her loveliness —  
Paint the pretty face —  
Dye the coral lip —  
Emphasize the grace  
Of her ladyship!  
Art and nature, thus allied,  
Go to make a pretty bride.  
Art and nature, thus allied,  
Go to make a pretty bride.

FRANCINE  
Sit with downcast eye —  
Let it brim with dew —  
Try if you can cry —  
We will do so, too.  
When you're summoned, start  
Like a frightened roe —  
Flutter, little heart,  
Colour, come and go!  
Modesty at marriage-tide  
Well becomes a pretty bride!  
Modesty at marriage-tide  
Well becomes a pretty bride!

CARLA  
Braid the scarlet hair —  
Weave the supple tress —  
Deck the maiden fair  
In her loveliness —  
Paint the pretty face —  
Dye the coral lip —  
Emphasize the grace  
Of her ladyship!  
Art and nature, thus allied,  
Go to make a pretty bride.  
Art and nature, thus allied,  
Go to make a pretty bride.

_[Exeunt CARLA, FRANCINE, and GEISHAS_

POLLY (sighs and stares at the sky):

Oh, Speedy, I can't believe this day has finally come! It's like a dream come true. I feel like a Princess in a fairy tale, about to marry my Prince! I feel….I feel like nothing in th world can go wrong today!!

(sings):

The sun, whose rays  
Are all ablaze  
With ever-living glory,  
Does not deny  
His majesty--  
He scorns to tell a story!  
He don't exclaim,  
"I blush for shame,  
So kindly be indulgent."  
But, fierce and bold,  
In fiery gold,  
He glories all effulgent!

I don't really mean to rule the earth,  
As he the sky--  
We really know our worth,  
The sun and I!

Observe his flame,  
That placid dame,  
The moon's Celestial Highness;  
There's not a trace  
Upon her face  
Of diffidence or shyness:  
She borrows light  
That, through the night,  
Mankind may all acclaim her!  
And, truth to tell,  
She lights up well,  
So I, for one, don't blame her!

Ah, pray make no mistake,  
We are not shy;  
We're very wide awake,  
The moon and I!

(enter SPEEDY (in a bright white wedding outfit), AL DANTE, and JERRY ATRIC. SPEEDY stops and gapes at the sight of POLLY)

SPEEDY:

Wow…Polly! (POLLY turns to him and smiles) Wow..you're beautiful!

POLLY:

Thank you. You look unbelievably handsome yourself. (SPEEDY crosses over and kisses her tenderly)

SPEEDY (whispering):

Wow..I can't believe this day's finally come! God, you look amazing!

POLLY:

So do you, Speedy! Just a few more hours, and we'll finally be married! It's like something out of an opera. (reaches over to kiss him again, but AL DANTE stops him and beckons SPEEDY to follow him)

AL DANTE:

Speedy, I beg you do not get too happy, and do not lose your head. This IS, after all, only going to last a month!

SPEEDY:

Shhhh..I don't want Polly to know! This'll kill her!

AL DANTE:

Just be careful, that's all. (They return as music starts) This marriage is very limited, don't forget that!

POLLY (sings):

Brightly dawns our wedding day;

**ALL:**  
Joyous hour, we give thee greeting!  
Whither, whither art thou fleeting?  
Fickle moment, prithee stay!  
Fickle moment, prithee stay!

**AL DANTE:**

What though mortal joys be hollow?

JERRY ATRIC

Pleasures come, if sorrows follow!

****

POLLY: SPEEDY AL DANTE & JERRY ATRIC Though the tocsin sound, Though the tocsin sound, Though the tocsin

sound,

ere long, ere long, ere long,

ere long, Ding

Though the tocsin sound, Though the tocsin, dong! Ding dong!

ere long sound, ere long, Ding

Though the tocsin sound, sound, ere long. dong! Ding dong!

ere long.

Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong!

Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong!

ALL:  
Yet until the shadows fall  
Over one and over all,

****

POLLY:

Sing a merry madrigal,

AL DANTE & JERRY ATRIC:  
Sing a merry madrigal,  
Sing a merry madrigal,  
Fa la la la la, etc.  
_(Ending in tears)_

**POLLY:**

Let us dry the ready tear,

**ALL:**  
Though the hours are surely creeping  
Little need for woeful weeping,  
Till the sad sundown is near,  
Till the sad sundown is near.

AL DANTE

All must sip the cup of sorrow —

**JERRY ATRIC:**

I to-day and thou to-morrow.

POLLY: ** SPEEDY:** ** JERRY ATRIC & AL DENTE**

This the close of This the close of This the close of

every song, every, every song,

every song, Ding

This the close of This the close of dong! Ding dong!

every song every song, Ding

This the close of this the close. dong! Ding dong!

every song,

Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong!

Ding dong! Ding dong! Ding dong!

ALL:  
What, though solemn shadows fall,  
Sooner, later, over all?

**POLLY:**

Sing a merry madrigal,

**JERRY ATRIC & AL DANTE:**  
Sing a merry madrigal,  
Sing a merry madrigal,  
Fa la la la la, etc.  
_(Ending in tears)_

[Exeunt AL DANTE **& JERRY ATRIC**

POLLY:

What was all that about?

SPEEDY (shrugs):

Who knew they could be that happy? (smiles and takes POLLY in his arms ) I know I am! (kisses her. GUIDO then enters)

GUIDO:  
Hey, hey, hey, you two! Ya can't do that YET until the Priest says so! (he laughs) So, do I even have to ask how both of you are today?

SPEEDY:

Just great, Guido. Thanks a lot for being my best man,.

GUIDO:  
Hey, what are best pals for? I can't tell you how happy I am for the both of you! (he hugs them both) And again, I'm sorry about Lucielle. Honest, I'll try to talk to her.

SPEEDY:

Don't worry about it, in a few hours she can't do anything about this anymore.

POLLY:

Guido, I'm sure with time she'll see what a great guy you are.

GUIDO:  
You guys mean that?

SPEEDY & POLLY:

Oh yeah, of course!!

POLLY:

Come on, Guido, you're a sweet guy, you're handsome, your brave and trustworthy, what's not to like?

SPEEDY:

Yeah. And you're the best friend anyone could hope to have! Really, she'll see that in time!

GUIDO:

Sheesh, any more compliments and you'll have to erect a statue! (grins) But seriously, thanks a lot. I needed that.

SPEEDY:

No problem.

POLY:  
I gotta admit, Guido, that';s the first time I've ever seen you not be confident about a girl.

SPEEDY:

Well, Polly ya gotta admit she's the first girl to NOT fall for one of his lines since he was a kitten! (smiles) But honestly, Guido, you'll get Lucielle in time.

(enter BIG CHEESE)

BIG CHEESE (devilishly):

Well, well, well, what's going on here?

SPEEDY:  
We were getting ready for our wedding, thank you very much!

GUIDO (suspiciously):

What do you want, Big Cheese?

BIG CHEESE:

Well, I got some news that I just found out..

GUIDO (fold his arms):

Yeah..what?

BIG CHEESE:  
That concerns Polly's and Speedy's nuptials.

SPEEDY:

What about our wedding, Big Cheese? It's a little too lat to change you mind, in two hours, Polly Esther officially becomes Polly Esther Cerviche!

POLLY:

And I don't want it ANY OTHER WAY thank you!!

BIG CHEESE:  
Would you be willing to die for him?

SPEEDY:

Not this again!

BIG CHEESE:  
Would you die for Speedy?

POLLY:

I sure would! No hesitation about it!

SPEEDY:

Hold it, hold, it!! Why are you asking HER that question?!

BIG CHEESE:

Because I found out something…an ancient long lost law of Little Tokyo…..but in my defense I didn't know about this until now when I just HAPPENED to come upon it….

GUIDO:

What are you getting at?!

BIG CHEESE:

Only this my feline Samurai, that whenever a man is decapitated for flirting, his wife must then be buried alive!

GUIDO and SPEEDY:

WHAT?!?!

POLLY:

What is he talking about, Speedy?

BIG CHEESE:  
Yeah, I think it's time now to let her know the truth!

POLLY:  
What truth?!

BIG CHEESE (snarkily):

Ya see, my Dear, in order for Speedy to get me to break my engagement to you, and to allow him to marry you, he had to agree to let me exeute him in a month!

POLLY:

WHAT?!

SPEEDY:

I wasn't even gonna tell ya, Big Cheese promised he'd make it an accident. I agreed to it because it was the only thing that would have let me marry you.

BIG CHEESE:  
Not to mention saved our town!

GUIDO:  
What's happening to Little Tokyo?

BIG CHEESE:

If I don't execute one more person in two months the town gets reduced to rank of villiage!

GUIDO:  
Village?!

POLLY:

So you tricked Speedy into making this deal?!

SPEEDY:

Even if it was only for one month, I'd willingly give my life to marry you! I love you, Polly, and I know that I'd have to be killed in a month, but it would have been worth it to marry you.

BIG CHEESE:

Not to mention the fact that I would have been right there to console the widow…

POLLY:  
CONSOLE me?!

GUIDO:  
Suddenly it all makes sense!

POLLY:

Like I'll ever let you get a centimeter near me!!!

BIG CHEESE:

You need consolation..

POLLY:  
NEVER from you!!! (she gets angrier and angrier): How DARE YOU?!?! HOW DARE YOU THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH TRICKING SPEEDY LIKE THAT?! GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD THAT I WILL NEVER LOVE YOU AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!! I'D DIE A WIDOW..OR I'D DIE WITH SPEEDY!!

BIG CHEESE:

According to tradition, you've got your wish! You die married to him or you become my wife and live! (music starts)

****

POLLY:  
Here's a how-de-do!  
If I marry you,  
When your time has come to perish,  
Then the maiden whom you cherish  
Must be slaughtered, too!  
Here's a how-de-do!  
Here's a how-de-do!

SPEEDY  
Here's a pretty mess!  
In a month, or less,  
I must die without a wedding!  
Let the bitter tears I'm shedding  
Witness my distress,  
Here's a pretty mess!  
Here's a pretty mess!

BIG CHEESE  
Here's a state of things,  
To her life she clings!  
Matrimonial devotion  
Doesn't seem to suit her notion--  
Burial it brings!  
Here's a state of things!  
Here's a state of things!

POLLY and SPEEDY: BIG CHEESE 

With a passion that's intense With a passion that's intense

I worship and adore, You worship and adore,

But the laws of common sense But the laws of common sense

We oughtn't to ignore. You oughtn't to ignore.

If what he says is true, If what I say is true,

'Tis death to marry you! 'Tis death to marry you!

Here's a pretty state of things! Here's a pretty state of things!

Here's a pretty how-de-do! Here's a pretty how-de-do!

Here's a pretty state of things! Here's a pretty state of things!

A pretty state of things! A pretty state of things!

****

POLLY:

Here's a how-de-do!

SPEEDY:

Here's a how-de-do!

BIG CHEESE:

Here's a how-de-do!

****

POLLY and SPEEDY: BIG CHEESE 

For if what he says is true, For if what I say is true,

I cannot, cannot marry you! He cannot, cannot marry you!

Here's a pretty, pretty state of things! Here's a pretty, pretty state of things!

Here's a pretty how-de-do! Here's a pretty how-de-do!

BIG CHEESE:

Aw, too bad, guess there's no wedding today! Wonder what you'll do?! Hmm…(moves closer to Polly) Guess you have no choice, now you'll have to marry me in order to live Dear, Sweet Polly!

POLLY:

NO WAY!!!!

BIG CHEESE:

YES, way! If you wanna live you have to! (AL DANTE enters)

POLLY (kneels down and draws her sword):

Who says I have to?! This will determine that!

BIG CHEESE:  
don't do anything foolish!

AL DANTE:  
Put thast away, Polly, NOW!!

SPEEDY:

No, Polly don't!

GUIDO:  
Polly, stop!

BIG CHEESE:

You'd best not raise that sword to me!

POLY (pointing it at herself):

Who said anything about yourself? If you kill Speedy, than so I go!

AL DANTE:

THIS is NOT the way of a Samurai!

BIG CHEESE:

Suicide you know is a capital offense!

POLLY:

Do I look like I care anymore you horrid peice of trash?! Bad enough you tricked Speedy but you expect me to marry you after that?!?! I'D RATHER DIE MYSELF!!! (prepares to commit hira-kiri)

SPEEDY:  
NO!!!

GUIDO:  
Wait, wait a minute! Polly, stand up! Big Cheese, you say you need someone to execute?

BIG CHEESE:  
Yeah.

GUIDO (takes POLLY'S sword from her and stands in front of BIG CHEESE):

You've found one. Take me.

SPEEDY and POLLY:

WHAT?!

AL DANTE:

Guido, no!

GUIDO:  
You heard me, jerk face. I'll die instead. Take my life for the two of them. Let them live! (h kneels down and gives BIG CHEESE sword) Go ahead. Take me instead.

SPEEDY:

Stop, Guido!

GUIDO:  
Guys, this is for you. What are best friends for? (to BIG CHEESE) Go ahad, I'll take their place. Go ahead behead me right now. (BOG CHEESE looks surprised, then pleased. He raises his sword…but then starts to tremble. He looks nervous…then sweats….finally he throws the sword down in disgust. GUIDO stands up) What?! What?! I mean it, I ain't gonna fight ya…(dawns on him) can't ya do it?

BIG CHEESE:

I haven't executed anyone since I got this title.

SPEEDY and POLLY snicker

SPEEDY:

Ya mean you're the Lord High Executioner…and you never executed anyone?!

BIG CHEESE:

No..it was much easier to make these plans and want machines or my Ninja Crows to do it..I can't execute someone by hand! (notices SPEEDY and POLLY laughing) Stop that laughing!! STOP THAT LAUGHING!!!! STOP THAT LAUGHING NOW!!! (FACE TURNS RED) STO NOW!!!! (SPEEDY, POLLY, AND GUIDO gasp and race off…just in time for BIG CHEESE to blow up) Ooh!!! Stop lauging, Princess Vi will be here any day now to do her cheeck up..and I haven't executed anyone!

SPEEDY:  
Ahh…to bad. Guess you're gonna have to find another line of work!

BIG CHEESE:

May I remind you that even if I'm striped of my position I'll still create machinee after machine, so much so that I'll drive you all crazy! I'll never give you any peace! (turns red again) I MEAN IT, I NEVER WILL EVER EVER!!

AL DANTE:  
Wait, wait a minute, Sire! I think I have the solution!

BIG CHEESE:

What?

AL DANTE:

Princess Vi will be arriving in a few days for her inspection. Let Speedy and Polly go off and be maried, then send them out of town! Meanwhile I'll draw up a phony affidavidt saying that you executed Speedy. Vi will never know!

SPEEDY:

Al, what are you saying?

POLLY:  
We can't leave Little Tokyo!

AL DANTE:

It'll only be a few days, just a few than you can come back. We'll send for you the moment Vi is gone.

GUIDO:  
Meanwhile, I'll hold the fort down here, and I got the Reescue Team to back me up. Think of this is a short Honeymoon!

AL DANTE:

And as the current Archbishop of Little Tokyo, I can perform the ceremony right now! Come with me, Speedy, Polly, Guido, ad we have to get Francine. Come with me and we'll get you both married right now! (ALL exit)

BIG CHEESE:

SO..WAT..I DON'T GET TO MARY HER?!?! NOOOOO!!! THIS PLAN WAS FOOLPROOF SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO DUMP HIM AND MARRY ME !!!!! SHE WAS, SHE WAS!!!

(BIG CHEESE explodes as curtains come down)


	8. The Wedding

ALL The songs here are 'Come What May' from 'Mulon Rouge' and 'Ordinary Miracle' by Sarah McLaughlin, and the English version of 'What A Friend We Have In Jesus'- cause I don't know the Japanese version, and 'Abide With Me'

**Scene 2**

__

The Garden in back of AL DANTE'S home. It is a very nice flower garden with many different kids: Tulips, roses, lilies, etc. AL DANTE enters and beckons behind him. SPEEDY and POLLY enter with FRANCINE, CARLA, and GOOD BIRD (wearing a bright flowery bright green dress).

SPEEDY (looking around):

Wow, Al, I didn't know ya HAD such a gorgeous garden!

CARLA:

It's lovely.

AL DANTE:

Hey, when you have to work with Big Cheese, you have to have something to relax you! (ALL laugh and nod knowingly) So, are we ready (SPEEDY and POLLY nod excitedly)

FRANCINE:  
Wait, Guido's not here yet!

GOOD BIRD:

Where did he go?

FRANCINE:

He said he had to pick something up and he would be right here, don't worry.

GUIDO (appearing from the back door):

Here I am!

SPEEDY:

Where did ya disappear to, Guido? We have to do this soon before the Princess comes and we need you as witness.

GUIDO:

I was just fetching something really important. Something you NEEDED today!

POLLY:

What? (GUIDO turns inside and gestures. POLLY'S PARENTS and little 9 year old sister SUYAKA enter just then dressed in their best wedding clothes. POLLY'S MOTHER is carrying a white lacy veil with white flowers on top. POLLY stares as if she can't believe it.) Mom? Dad? Suyaka?

MRS. ESTHER:

Hello, Sweetheart!

POLLY:

But..how..

GUIDO:  
I invited them!

GOOD BIRD:

You did?!

POLLY'S MOM:

Would I miss the chance to put my daughter's wedding veil on today?

MR. ESTHER:

I'm not ,missing a chance to walk my oldest daughter down the isle!

GUIDO:  
I know this was supposed to be quick..but this is such an important moment, and your family should be here, I thought!

SPEEDY:

Mr, and Mrs. Esther! Welcome! (he goes over and shakes their hands) Guido, ya big softy! (hugs GUIDO) You're a heck of a guy, ya know?

POLLY (hugs GUIDO):

Thank you, Guido. This means so much to me!

GUIDO:

I know it would. Hey, Happy Wedding to my two best friends!

CARLA:

You big softy!

MR. ESTHER:

Hello, Speedy.

MRS. ESTHER:

Speedy, you look so handsome today! (smiles at POLLY) You're a lucky lady!

POLLY (laughs):

Oh, Mom! (runs to her and gives her a hug. MRS. ESTHER smiles and puts on POLLY'S veil, then takes her parasol, opens it, and holds it over her. MR. ESTHER goes to his daughter and holds out his arm)

MR. ESTHER:

May I?

MRS. ESTHER (to GUIDO):

Guido, you'd better get up there, you're the best man! (hands basket of flowers to SUYAKA, who stands in front of her mother. GUIDO rushes up the isle to SPEEDY as several GEISHAS gather in back of AL DANTE)

AL DANTE:

Ready, girls?

MRS. ESTHER:

Ready, Suyaka?

SUYAKA:

Yes, Mommy. Wow, Polly is really getting married right now?

MRS. ESTHER (beaming at POLLY):

That she is, Dear.

MR. ESTHER:

Polly, you're absolutely lovely, inside and out, and I'm proud to be your Dad. (hugs her)

GUIDO (handing items to AL DANTE):

Here's the wine, the cup, the register, your Bible, and your wedding cross.

AL DANTE (putting Wedding Cross around his neck):

Thank you, Guido. (clears throat) Shall we begin? (all nod) Welcome one and all, friends and family, as we gather here to celebrate the joyous union of Speedy Cerviche, and Polly Esther. As we all come together on this hot afternoon to share this momentous day, we tell ourselves that what we are witnessing here is more than just a ceremony, Indeed, it is a blessing. A blessing of two individuals..(his voice trails off as spotlight hits SPEEDY and GUIDO)

SPEEDY:

Thanks again, Guido, for what you did today. I can't believe you were able to get her parents is such a short amount of time!

GUIDO:  
It was the least I could do. (sighs) Well, this is it, good luck, Buddy! (shakes his hand)

SPEEDY:

Thanks, Pal!

GUIDO:  
Hope Princess Vi doesn't stay long, I'm really gonna miss you two!

SPEEDY:

We won't be gone too long, you'll see! (turn their attention back to AL DANTE, who is finishing up)

AL DANTE:

So, now, without further ado, I do happily announce the entrance if the bride- Polly Esther! (At the announcement SUYAKA begins to proceed down the isle and throw the flowers. POLLY then follows, escorted by her FATHER, with her MOTHER following behind bearing the parasol which she hold over her. When they reach SPEEDY, MR. ESTHER takes off POLLY'S veil, kisses her, replaces veil, and gives her hand to SPEEDY. SPEEDY and MR. ESTHER than bow to each other and MR. And MRS. ESTHER step to the side along with SUYAKA. POLLY and SPEEDY then kneel in front of AL DANTE. He crosses himself and SPEEDY and POLLY do so as well.)

AL DANTE (to GEISHAS):

You may begin, Ladies.

GEISHAS (this song is actually sung in Japanese…but I don't know any Japanese):

(sings this is Japanese):

What a friend we have in Jesus,  
All our sins and griefs to bear!  
What a privilege to carry  
Everything to God in prayer!  
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,  
Oh, what needless pain we bear,  
All because we do not carry  
Everything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations?  
Is there trouble anywhere?  
We should never be discouraged—  
Take it to the Lord in prayer.  
Can we find a friend so faithful,  
Who will all our sorrows share?  
Jesus knows our every weakness;  
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy-laden,  
Cumbered with a load of care?  
Precious Savior, still our refuge—  
Take it to the Lord in prayer.  
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?  
Take it to the Lord in prayer!  
In His arms He'll take and shield thee,  
Thou wilt find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised  
Thou wilt all our burdens bear;  
May we ever, Lord, be bringing  
All to Thee in earnest prayer.  
Soon in glory bright, unclouded,  
There will be no need for prayer—  
Rapture, praise, and endless worship  
Will be our sweet portion there.

AL DANTE (to GISHAS):

Very nice.

FRANCINE (comes forward as AL DANTE hands Bible to her):

A reading from the Book of 1st Corinthians.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and angels but do not have love, I have become a sounding piece of brass or a clashing cymbals. And if I have the gift of prophesying and am acquainted with all the sacred secrets and all knowledge, and if I have all the faith so as to transplant mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. And if I give all my belongings to feed others, and if I hand over my body that I may boast, but do not have love, I am not profited at all.

Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for it's own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrightousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." The Word of the Lord.

AL DANTE :

Thank you, Let us now pray (all bow their heads) Heavenly Father, we ask that as these two individuals, Speedy and Polly, prepare to exchange these sacred vows that will unite them forever as husband and wife, grant that they always remember this Holy and Sacred Day, and may they forever know that you are always with them through good times and through bad, through hay times and sad, and grant that they may always look to you in times of sorrow and remember to also turn to you in times of great joy, Today forever, and always, amen!

ALL:

Amen!

AL DANTE:

We now come to the most important part of the ceremony. The part where these two, Speedy and Polly, prepare to take the Holy and Sacred vows- the seiyaku- that will unite them for life. With the exchange of seiaku these two individuals have agreed to give up their singleness and take the most important journey of life together rather than apart! Speedy, Polly, have you both come willingly and of your own choosing to take these sacred vows of seiaku that will unite you forever (music starts)

SPEEDY and POLLY:

Yes.

AL DANTE:  
Pleease rise, join hands, and speak your vows. (they do so)

SPEEDY (sings)

Never knew I could feel like this  
Like I've never seen the sky before  
Want to vanish inside your kiss  
Every day I love you more and more  
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings  
Come back to me, and forgive everything  
Seasons may change, winter to spring  
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may  
Come what may  
I will love you until my dying day

POLLY (sings):  
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place  
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace  
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste  
It all revolves around you  
And there's no mountain too high  
No river too wide  
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side  
Storm clouds may gather  
And stars may collide  
But I love you until the end of time

TOGETHER:  
Oh, come what may, come what may  
I will love you, I will love you  
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Come what may  
Come what may  
I will love you until my dying day!

AL DANTE:

Very nice. Now we have come to the exchange of rings. The rings are an important symbol of the meaning of love and marriage. The shape of the ring itself is symbolic for it represents perfect love. Never beginning and never ending. Who has the rings?

GUIDO:

I do. (hands rings to AL DANTE. AL DANTE hands ring to SPEEDY)

AL DANTE:

Speedy, please place this ring on the third finger of Polly's left hand and repeat after me. Polly, I give you this ring..

SPEEDY:

Polly, I give you this ring..

AL DANTE:

As a symbol of my eternal love and devotion..

SPEEDY:

As a symbol of my eternal love and devotion..

AL DANTE;

And I vow with all my heart..

SPEEDY:

And I vow with all y heart

AL DANTE:  
To be honest, loving, and faithfull and to forsake all others

SPEEDY:

To be honest, loving, and faithfull and to forsake all others

AL DANTE:

This is my solumn vow.

SPEEDY:

This is my solumn vow. (slides ring on finger)

AL DANTE:

Polly, please place this ring on the third finger of Speedy's left hand and repeat after me.

Speedy, I give you this ring..

POLLY:

Speedy, I give you this ring..

AL DANTE:

As a symbol of my eternal love and devotion..

POLLY:

As a symbol of my eternal love and devotion..

AL DANTE;

And I vow with all my heart..

POLLY:

And I vow with all my heart

AL DANTE:  
To be honest, loving, and faithfull and to forsake all others

POLLY:

To be honest, loving, and faithfull and to forsake all others

AL DANTE:

This is my solumn vow.

POLLY:

This is my solumn vow.

AL DANTE (takes Wedding Register from GUIDO):

Now we come to the part where we make this legal in the law of Little Tokyo. Please now come forward and sign the wedding register. (they come forward and take the book to sign it, MRS. ESTHER sniffs and blows her nose as music starts. AL DANTE pours some wine into a cup and says a Japanese blessing over it)

MRS. ESTHER (sings):

It's not that unusual  
When everything is beautiful.  
It's just another ordinary miracle today.

The sky knows when its time to snow,  
Don't need to teach a seed to grow.  
It's just another ordinary miracle today.

(AL DANTE gives cup to POLLY, who takes a drink of it and gives it to SPEEDY, who drinks from it too)

Life is like a gift they say  
Wrapped up for you everyday;  
Open up and find a way  
To give some of your own.

Isn't it remarkable?  
Like every time a rain drop falls,  
It's just another ordinary miracle today.

Birds in winter have their fling  
But always make it home by spring.  
It's just another ordinary miracle today.[Ordinary Miracle lyrics on you wake up everyday  
Please don't throw your dreams away;  
Hold them close to your heart  
Cause we're all a part  
Of the ordinary miracle.  
Ordinary miracle

Do you want to see a miracle?  
ohh ohh ohh, ohhh ohh ohh...

It seems so exceptional  
That things just work out after all.  
It's just another ordinary miracle today.

Sun comes up and shines so bright  
And disappears again at night.  
It's just another ordinary miracle today.  
ohh ohh ohh, ohh ohhh ohh...  
It's just another ordinary miracle today.

AL DANTE:

With the exchange of vows and rigs, and the signing of the registar, may you now become one under the laws of Little Tokyo and more important, in the Eyes of God! It is now my honor as the Archbishop of Little Tokyo, to announce that you Speedy, and you Polly, are now husband and wife! You may kiss the bride! (SPEEDY lifts POLLY'S viel and kisses her with so much love it fills the room with its sweetness. THE GESHAS then gather again in the back of AL DANTE as music starts)

GEISHAS (sings):

****

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;  
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.  
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,  
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life's little day;  
Earth's joys grow dim; its glories pass away;  
Change and decay in all around I see;  
O Thou who changest not, abide with me.

Not a brief glance I beg, a passing word,  
But as Thou dwell'st with Thy disciples, Lord,  
Familiar, condescending, patient, free.  
Come not to sojourn, but abide with me.

Come not in terrors, as the King of kings,  
But kind and good, with healing in Thy wings;  
Tears for all woes, a heart for every plea.  
Come, Friend of sinners, thus abide with me.

Thou on my head in early youth didst smile,  
And though rebellious and perverse meanwhile,  
Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee.  
On to the close, O Lord, abide with me.

I need Thy presence every passing hour.  
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter's power?  
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?  
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;  
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.  
Where is death's sting? Where, grave, thy victory?  
I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;  
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.  
Heaven's morning breaks, and earth's vain shadows flee;  
In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

AL DANTE:

The Lord bless you and keep you forever in his love. The Lord make his face shine down upon both of you forever! (Blesses SPEEDY and POLLY)

ALL:

Amen!

(SPEEDY kisses POLLY again. JERRY ATRIC enters)

JERRY ATRIC :

Make haste, make haste, all of you!!! Princess Vi is on her way already, she's already coming. Quick make the affidavidt and get them out of here! Make haste!

AL DANTE:

Quick, Speedy and Polly, get out, to Titipu you both must go! We'll send for you both when Princcess Vi is gone! Quick, go!

GUIDO:  
Quick, guys, go! Don't worry about us, we can handle it!! (SPEEDY hugs him)

SPEEDY:

Be careful there, Buddy!

GUIDO:

You too. (POLLY hugs him)

OLLY:  
Take care of yourself.

GUIDO:  
You too. Congradulations guys! Quick, go! (SPEEDY and POLLY exit as curtain comes down)


	9. Enter The Princess

__

Songs are taken from The Mikado.

**Scene 3**

_The main courtyard of Little Tokyo._

__

ROYAL ANNOUNCER enters holding a scroll, which he unrolls

ROYAL ANNOUNCER:

Announcing the Empress of our fair town of Little Tokyo, the ruler of all that is living (and not on Prisoner's Island,) her most exalted head, Princess Violet of Little Tokyo!! (steps aside)

[March — Enter procession, starting with two FANFARE TRUMPET PLAYERS, heralding PRINCESS VIOLET, with her MAIN HANDMAIDEN in the back. Two bodyguards proceeds, followed by various SERVANTS and HANDMAIDENS. VIOLET is a vain and very spoiled 18 year old with a bad temper and a passion for shopping and clothes. She is riding on a gold sedan chair with a jeweled canopy carried by SERVANTS. LUCIELLE is following close behind her. CHORUS lines up along the streets to welcome her.

****

Chorus:  
Miya sama, miya sama,  
On n'm-ma no mayé ni  
Pira-Pira suru no wa  
Nan gia na  
Toko tonyaré tonyaré na?

Miya sama, miya sama,  
On n'm-ma no mayé ni  
Pira-Pira suru no wa  
Nan gia na  
Toko tonyaré tonyaré na?

PRINCESS  
From every kind of man  
Obedience I expect;  
I'm the Emperess of Little Tokyo —

**HANDMAIDEN:**  
And I'm her Head Handmaiden elect!  
She'll blow up if things are not as she said,  
(she'll send you to Prisoner's Island with no regret)  
Says the Handmaiden elect!

PRINCESS  
My morals have been declared  
Particularly correct;

**HANDMAIDEN:**  
And you had better listen and respect them, or,  
To Prisoner's Island go you to fore !  
Bow — Bow —  
To the Mighty Princess of Little Tokyo!

**CHORUS:**  
Bow — Bow —  
To the Mighty Princess of Little Tokyo!

**PRINCESS:**  
In a motherly kind of way  
I govern each tribe and sect,  
All cheerfully own my sway —

**HANDMAIDEN:**  
Except the ones who she does elect!  
As tough as a bone,  
With a will of her own,  
Is our Princess of Little Tokyo!

**PRINCESS:**  
My nature is love and light —  
My freedom from all defect —

**HANDMAIDEN:**  
Is insignificant quite,  
Compared with whoever makes her temper erect!  
Bow — Bow —  
To the Princess of Little Tokyo!

**CHORUS:**  
Bow — Bow —  
To the Princess of Little Tokyo!

PRINCESS (screaming):

I'm HOT!! IT'S SO HOT AROUND HERE!! WHERE IS MY WATER, I WANT SOME WATER!!

LUCIELLE (with glass of water):

Princess Vi, oh Princess Vi! (hands her water) Here!

PRINCESS (takes water):

Thanks. (drinks water and then motions for her SERVENTS to set down her chair. She gets off.) OK, here you go, (gives them money) 1,000 yen apiece. Now back to the sewers with ya! (looks around as they exit. CHORUS kneels down in front of her and starts worshipping her) Stop that, you're all making me dizzy.

(BIG CHEESE enters then and bows low)

BIG CHEESE:

Good day to you. Oh your Highness, Dear Princess Vi, what a wonderful surprise! What brings you to bear your beautiful self to our fair city of Little Tokyo?

PRINCESS:  
Cheese, cut the crap!

BIG CHEESE:  
At once your Highness!

PRINCESS:

Actually, you're not the first stop on my inspection tour here of Little Tokyo! (music starts) I need to talk to Al Dante first, have you seen him?

BIG CHEESE:

He's finishing filling out an avidavidt for me.

PRINCESS:

You finally performed an execution! Congraulations!

BIG CHEESE:

Yes, your Highness. He'll be along quickly, we all know you we don't want to be sent to Prisoner's Island!

****

PRINCESS:

They'd best not!

(sings)  
A more humane Princess never  
Did in Tokyo exist,  
To nobody second,  
I'm certainly reckoned  
A true philanthropist.  
It is my very humane endeavour  
To make, to some extent,  
Each evil liver  
A running river  
Of harmless merriment.

My object all sublime  
I shall achieve in time —  
To let the punishment fit the crime —  
The punishment fit the crime;  
And make each prisoner pent  
Unwillingly represent  
A source of innocent merriment!  
Of innocent merriment!

All prosy dull society sinners,  
Who chatter and bleat and bore,  
Are sent to Prisoner's Island,  
With horrid tortures  
Who act from ten till four.  
The amateur tenor, whose vocal villainies  
All desire to shirk,  
Shall, during off-hours,  
Exhibit his powers  
To Madame Tussaud's waxwork.

The lady who dyes a chemical yellow  
Or stains her grey hair puce,  
Or pinches her figure,  
Is painted with vigour  
And permanent walnut juice.  
The idiot who, in railway carriages,  
Scribbles on window-panes,  
We only suffer  
To ride on a buffer  
In Parliamentary trains.

My object all sublime  
I shall achieve in time —  
To let the punishment fit the crime —  
The punishment fit the crime;  
And make each prisoner pent  
Unwillingly represent  
A source of innocent merriment!  
Of innocent merriment!

**CHORUS:**  
Her object all sublime  
She will achieve in time —  
To let the punishment fit the crime —  
The punishment fit the crime;  
And make each prisoner pent  
Unwillingly represent  
A source of innocent merriment!  
Of innocent merriment!

**PRINCESS:**  
The advertising quack who wearies  
With tales of countless cures,  
His teeth, I've enacted,  
Shall all be extracted  
By terrified amateurs.  
The music-hall singer attends a series  
Of masses and fugues and "ops"  
By Bach, interwoven  
With Spohr and Beethoven,  
At classical Monday Pops.

The billiard sharp who any one catches,  
His doom's extremely hard —  
He's made to dwell —  
In a dungeon cell  
On a spot that's always barred.  
And there he plays extravagant matches  
In fitless finger-stalls  
On a cloth untrue  
With a twisted cue  
And elliptical billiard balls!

My object all sublime  
I shall achieve in time —  
To let the punishment fit the crime —  
The punishment fit the crime;  
And make each prisoner pent  
Unwillingly represent  
A source of innocent merriment!  
Of innocent merriment!

**CHORUS:**  
Hr object all sublime  
She will achieve in time —  
To let the punishment fit the crime —  
The punishment fit the crime;  
And make each prisoner pent  
Unwillingly represent  
A source of innocent merriment!  
Of innocent merriment!

BIG CHEESE:

Of course, your Highness

PRINCESS:

Well, as long as you're here, Big Cheese (hits hand with fan) REPORT!!!

(AL DANTE arrives with huge piece of paper. JERRY ATRIC appears behind him)

BIG CHEESE:

Well, it's about time! (snatches paper) Well, Her Majesty is here, where are your manners?!

AL DANTE (bows low):

Your Highness.

JERRY ATRIC (bows):

Your Highness.

PRINCESS (music starts):

Well, let's hear it.

****

BIG CHEESE (sings):  
The criminal cried, as he dropped him down,  
In a state of wild alarm -  
With a frightful, frantic, fearful frown,  
I bared my big right arm.  
I seized him by his little pig-tail,  
And on his knees fell he,  
As he squirmed and struggled,  
And gurgled and guggled,  
I drew my snickersnee,  
My snickersnee!

Oh, never shall I  
Forget the cry,  
Or the shriek that shrieked he,  
As I gnashed my teeth,  
When from its sheath  
I drew my snickersnee!

(LUCIELLE starts to read the death certificate)

**CHORUS:**  
We know him well,  
He cannot tell  
Untrue or groundless tales —  
He always tries  
To utter lies,  
And every time he fails.

**AL DANTE:**  
He shivered and shook as he gave the sign  
For the stroke he didn't deserve;  
When all of a sudden his eye met mine,  
And it seemed to brace his nerve;  
For he nodded his head and kissed his hand,  
And he whistled an air, did he,  
As the sabre true  
Cut cleanly through  
His cervical vertebrae,  
His vertebrae!

When a man's afraid,  
A beautiful maid  
Is a cheering sight to see;  
And it's oh, I'm glad  
That moment sad  
Was soothed by sight of me!

**CHORUS:**  
Her terrible tale  
You can't assail,  
With truth it quite agrees:  
Her taste exact  
For faultless fact  
Amounts to a disease.

**JERRY ATRIC:**  
Now though you'd have said that head was dead  
(For its owner dead was he),  
It stood on its neck, with a smile well-bred,  
And bowed three times to me!  
It was none of your impudent off-hand nods,  
But as humble as could be;  
For it clearly knew  
The deference due  
To a man of pedigree,  
Of pedigree!

And it's oh, I vow,  
This deathly bow  
Was a touching sight to see;  
Though trunkless, yet  
It couldn't forget  
The deference due to me!

**CHORUS:**  
This haughty youth,  
He speaks the truth  
Whenever he finds it pays:  
And in this case  
It all took place  
Exactly as he says!  
Exactly, exactly, exactly,  
Exactly as he says!

__

[Exeunt **CHORUS**

PRINCESS:

Impressive! Now, Al you're just the one I wanted to see! I need you to summon the Pizza Cats. I need to talk to them! (AL DANTE looks uncomfortable)

AL DANTE:

The,….the Pizza Cats?

PRINCESS:

Yeah, I need to talk to them. Where aree they?

AL DANTE:

Well…uh…see…uh…I can get Guido for you, he should be here any minute.

PRINCESS:

I need to talk to ALL THREE! Where are Speedy and Polly?

AL DANTE:

Uhh…

(LUCIELLE starts to scream and kneel down in tears)

PRINCESS:

What? WHAT?!

LUCIELLE:  
Alas!! Alas! Oh God, oh God!!! NOOO!!!!!

PRINCESS:

What? What…(LUCIELLE studders) What? WHAT HAPPENED?!?! TELL ME ASND DON'T TYOU DARE FIRE THOSE MISSLES OR YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY TO PRISONER'S ISLAND!!! TELL ME!!!

LUCIELLE (showing her death certificate):

Look, look oh woe the day!!!

PRINCESS (takes Death Certificate and reads it):

WHAT?!?! Wha…how…Speedy?!?! YOU KILLED SPEEDY?!

BIG CHEESE (studders nervously):

Uh..uh..he flirted..that's against the law..isn't it, your Highness?

PRINCESS:

BUT SPEEDY WAS OUR SAMURAI!! THE BEST SAMURAI WE EVER HAD?!?! WHERE'S POLLY?! WHAT CAN SHE SAY ABOUT THIS…(LUCIELLE begins to shake and stir whole sobbing) OH GOD TAKE HER AWAY, TAKE HER AWAY QUICKLY BEFORE SHE BLOWS US ALL UP!!!!(LUCIELLE is taken away by NINJA CROWS and soon an ex0plosion is heard) NOW FOR YOU…..WHERE'S POLLY?!

(FRANCINE rushes in crying)

FRANCINE:  
Oh woe the day!! Oh terrible time!!!

PRINCESS:  
What now?!?!

FRANCINE:

She's dead! Alack the day, she's dead she's dead!!

PRINCESS:

WHO'S dead?!?! What happened?!

FRANCINE:

Polly!! Oh Polly!!! Oh God!

PRINCESS:

What now?! What happened to Polly?!

FRANCINE:

She's dead! I found her in her room. Apparently she was so distraught over Speedy;s execution she committed hira-kiri!

BIG CHEESE (whispering to FRANCINE):

You're not helping!

FRANCINE:

I'm doing what you told me to do!

AL DANTE:

Princess..please!!

PRINCESS:

PLASE WHAT?! YOU KILLED ONE OF MY SAMURAI, BUT NOW ANOTHER ONE HAS KILLD HERSELF, ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!!! DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU DID?!?! YOU BRAIN DAD IDIOT, DON'T YOU EVER THINK!! SAMURAIS DON';T EVER GO AHGINST THE LAW, YOU JUST WNT AND KILLED HIM WITHOUT EVEN LISTENING TO HIS SIDE OF IT, WITHOUT THINING HE MIGHT HAVE BEEN FRAMED?!?! NOW TWO ARE DEAD, NOT JUST ONE!! ONLY ONE IS LEFT!!! THE RESCUE TEAM ARE BACKUPS!! WE ONLY HAVE ONE SAMURAI!!!

BIG CHEESE:  
Let us explain, oh Princess.

(music starts)

PRINCESS:

The only thing you're gonna explain is how I'm gonna punish you, cause Prisoner Island sounds TOO GOOD for you!! I gave you a second chanc and now two of our finest bravest heroes are dead cause of you!!!

BIG CHEESE:

But, Princess..

PRINCESS:

YOU'RE FIRED!!!! (TO HANDMAIDEN): GET ME SOME WATER!!!! (she does so. PRINCESS swallows quickly)

****

PRINCESS (sings) :  
See how the Fates their gifts allot,  
For A is happy — B is not.  
Yet B is worthy, I dare say,  
Of more prosperity than A!

AL DANTE, BIG CHEESE, JERRY ATRIC  
Is B more worthy?

LUCIELLE (entering)  
I should say  
He's worth a great deal more than A.

**ALL:**  
Yet A is happy!  
Oh, so happy!  
Laughing, Ha! ha!  
Chaffing, Ha! ha!  
Nectar quaffing, Ha! ha! ha!  
Ever joyous, ever gay,  
Happy, undeserving A!  
Ever joyous, ever gay,  
Happy, undeserving A!

AL DANTE, BIG CHEESE, JERRY ATRIC  
If I were Fortune — which I'm not —  
B should enjoy A's happy lot,  
And A should die in miserie —  
That is, assuming I am B.

**PRINCESS and LUCIELLE:**  
But should A perish?

AL DANTE, BIG CHEESE, JERRY ATRIC  
That should be  
(Of course, assuming I am B).

**ALL:**  
B should be happy!  
Oh, so happy!  
Laughing, Ha! ha!  
Chaffing, Ha! ha!  
Nectar quaffing, Ha! ha! ha!  
But condemned to die is he,  
Wretched meritorious B!  
But condemned to die is he,  
Wretched meritorious B!

PRINCESS (to servents):

Tie all of these traitors up and carry them to my Palace. I'll decide on a horrid, murderous punishent for them!!!

FRANCINE (gasping):

Wait!

AL DANTE (as he's being tied up):

Francine, go find Guido!!! We need him to get Polly and Speedy back! Quick, get Guido!!! (they are being lead of)

FRANCIN:  
Right, get Guido!! (she runs off)


	10. Come Back, Speedy and Polly

The song Speedy and sing is 'Thank You, Girl' by The Beatles, the other one is from 'The Mikado'

**Scene 4**

_The interior of PRINCESS VI's dungeon. AL DANTE, JERRY ATRIC, and BIG CHEESE enter all tied up. PRINCESS VI follows them and stands in front of them, acing and yelling._

BIG CHEESE:

But, Princess…

AL DANTE:

Your Highness, let me explain..

PRINCESS:

And YOU!! My trusted Head of the Guards, YOU of all people an accomplice to this louse and not even giving Poor Speedy a chance to tell you his side?! Now Poor Speedy and Polly are both dead, all because of you!! Polly even commited a capitol offense by taking her own life….but because you three had a hand in it I won't send her body to Prisoner's Island. SERVANT! (A SERVANT appears and bows to her) Go to the Pizza Place and get her to give you Polly's body. I'll prepare a grand funeral for both her and Speedy as soon as y other servant find HIS body. (SERVANT bows and exits.) Ad for you three YOU ARE ALL IN FOR MAJOR PUNISHMENT!! EVEN MORE MAJOR THAN PRISONER'S ISLAND!! PRISONER'S ISLAND IS TOO GOOD FOR YOU!! THIS PUNISHMENT… IT IS SO MAJOR IS HASN'T EVEN BEEN INVENTED YET!!! BUT WHEN I DO THINK OF IT IT IS GOING TO BE SO AWFUL THAT HITLER HIMSELF WILL SAY 'OH, PRINCESS, LIGHTEN UP!' (to GUARDS that are holding ropes) GET THESE THREE TRAITORS OUT OF MY SIGHT!! (ALL exit)

**Scene 5**

_A grassy field somewhere in Titipu. Enter POLLY and SPEEDY happily. They pause to kiss tenderly as music starts and sit down upon a bench, holding each other._

SPEEDY (sings):  
You've been good to me,  
You made me glad  
When I was blue,

POLLY  
And eternally I'll always be  
In love with you,

SPEEDYL  
And all I gotta do  
Is thank you, Polly, thank you, Polly. .

POLLY:  
I could tell the world  
A thing or two about our love,

SPEEDY:  
I know all too well,  
Only a fool would doubt our love,  
And all I gotta do  
Is thank you Polly, thank you Polly.

POLLY:  
Thank you, Speedy, for loving me  
The way that you do, (way that you do),  
That's the kind of love  
That is too good to be true,

SPEEDU:  
And all I gotta do  
Is thank you Polly, thank you Polly.

SPEEDY and POLLY:  
You've been good to me,  
You made me glad  
When I was blue,  
And eternally I'll always be  
In love with you,  
And all I gotta do  
Is thank you now, thank you now.

They kiss again as GUIDO enters quickly, gasping for breath

GUIDO:  
Thank God I was able to find you guys!

POLLY:  
Guido, what are you doing here?

SPEEDY:

Yeah, is it time to go back? Princess Vi gone?

GUIDO:  
I wish! But I do NEED you guys to come back to Little Tokyo like RIGHT NOW!!!

SPEEDY:  
Why? What's going on? What happened?!

GUIDO:  
Al Dante got arrested by Princess Vi!!

SPEEDY (standing up):

WHAT?!

POLLY:

Oh, no!

SPEEDY:

How did this happen, Guido?

GUIDO:  
According to Francine everything was going according to plan..but then when the Princess saw YOU name on the Death Certificate, Speedy, and learn that you killed yourself, Polly, she went all ballistic!!!

SPEEDY:

She did!

GUIDO:  
Yeah. She screamed that you guys, being Samurais, would never break the law, and you must have been framed and she yelled at Big Cheese for not giving you a chance to defend yourself, yelled at Al for not keeping an eye on you, Polly, and preventing you from killing yourself. She had Cheese, Jerry Atric, and Al Dante arrested for contributing to the murder of heroes and has them locked up in her personal prison until she can think of a more horrible punishment than Prisoner's Island.

POLLY:  
More horrible than Prisoner's Island!

SPEEDY:

Gee, I didn't know she cared!

GUIDO:  
Believe me if it was just Cheese and Atric I wouldn't care at all, but Al Dante is there with them! We can't have him be thrown into jail!

POLLY:

No we can't! Come on, Speedy, we have to go!

SPEEDY (uts his hand on her shoulder):

No, Polly, we can't.

GUIDO:

You can't, what do you mean?!

SPEEDY:

Lucielle!

:POLLY and GUIDO:

Lucielle!

SPEEDY:

If Lucielle finds out I'm alive AND married to Polly, God only knows what she'll do to me!! She might even kill me!!

POLLY:  
Oh, no!

SPEEDY:"

Or she'll beg the Princess to send me to Prisoner's Island on ground of deciet and heartbreak!

POLLY:

If she send you to Prisoner's Island, I'll go with you!

GUIDO:  
Guys! That's just adding to the problem! Al Dante is STILL in jail and if the Princess sees you both are alive she'll let him out.

SPEEDY:  
And send all three of them to Prisoner's Island on the ground of lieing to her!

GUIDO:  
Maybe not. Maybe if we tell her Big Cheese bribed Al Dante to do it..

SPEEDY:  
Good idea…but face it, Guido, we're not safe unless Lucielle is distracted!

OLLY:  
it's up to you, Guido! If you get Lucielle's mind off of Speedy, we can come back!

GUIDO:  
I don't know if I can! She's head over heels for Speedy!

SPEEDY:

You CAN'T!! Hold on here, this is NOT my best friend talking! You've been able to get a lot of girls, Guido! But you want this one!!

GUIDO:

You bet I want her!

POLLY:  
So gt her! You can do it, Guido! (usic starts) Just think of romantic things!

(sings)

The flowers that bloom in the spring,  
Tra la,  
Breathe promise of merry sunshine —  
As we merrily dance and we sing,  
Tra la,  
We welcome the hope that they bring,  
Tra la,  
Of a summer of roses and wine,  
Of a summer of roses and wine.  
And that's what we mean when we say that a thing  
Is welcome as flowers that bloom in the spring.  
Tra la la la la,  
Tra la la la la,  
The flowers that bloom in the spring.

POLLY, SPEEDY, GUIDO  
Tra la la la la,  
Tra la la la la,  
Tra la la la la la!

**GUIDO:**  
The flowers that bloom in the spring,  
Tra la,  
Have nothing to do with the case.  
I've got to take under my wing,  
Tra la,  
A beautiful, delicate young thing,  
Tra la,  
With an angel of a face,  
With an angel of a face.  
And that's what I mean when I say, or I sing,  
"The flowers that bloom in the spring."  
Tra la la la la,  
Tra la la la la,  
"I do love the flowers of spring."

SPEEDY, POLLY, GUIDO  
Tra la la la la,  
Tra la la la la,  
Tra la la la la la!

__

[Dance and exeunt SPEEDY, POLLY, GUIDO)


	11. Lucielle

The songs are from 'The Mikado' except for 'Leatherwing Bat' by Peter, Paul, and Mary

**Scene 6**

_A lush quiet garden_

__

[Enter **LUCIELLE as music starts**

****

LUCIELLE:  
Alone, and yet alive! Oh, sepulchre!  
My soul is still my body's prisoner!  
Remote the peace that Death alone can give —  
My doom, to wait! my punishment, to live!

Hearts do not break!  
They sting and ache  
For old love's sake,  
But do not die,  
Though with each breath  
They long for death  
As witnesseth  
The living I!  
The living I!

Oh, living I!  
Come, tell me why,  
When hope is gone,  
Dost thou stay on?  
Why linger here,  
Where all is drear?  
Oh, living I!  
Come, tell me why,  
When hope is gone,  
Dost thou stay on?  
May not a cheated maiden die?  
May not a cheated maiden die?

(enter **GUIDO, **who hears the last lines of song)

GUIDO:

Hi, Lucielle.

LUCILLE (quickly turns):

Hello, Guido.

GUIDO:

You have to forgive me for overhearing your thoughts.

LUCIELLE (sighs):

That's all right, like it matters at all.

GUIDO:

What do you mean?

LUCIELLE (tears up):

OH, Guido, you can't POSSIBLY understand how I'm feeling right now!! I don't expect you to, not at all!!!

GUIDO (quickly, seeing she's about to go off runs to her side and starts kneeding her shoulders)

Oh, come on, try me!

LUCILLE (calming down a little):

Not only did I get rejected by one of the most wonderful cats around..NOW I hear he's,…he's…he's been KILLED!!! Oh, Guido..and the worst part of it is I think it's all my fault!

GUIDO:

How do you mean?

LUCILLE:

I was flirting with him all that time, before he rejected me for Polly! Oh God maybe if I didn't flirt with him…oh this is all my fault, I'm a living death trap! You'd better go away, Guido, or I'll hurt you too!

GUIDO:  
That's a chance I'm willing to take, Lucielle. (massages her shoulders) I don't think that this was your fault! Besides, sometimes things aren't always as they seem.

LUCIELLE:

You mean Speedy might have been falsely accused?

GUIDO (after a pause):  
Yeah.

LUCIELLE:

So they falsely accused him and didn't even give him a chance to defend himself? Oh, that horrible! Poor Speedy!

GUIDO:  
So, it probably wasn't your fault, If it was, do you think I'd b here talking to you? He was one of my very best friends, remember?

LUCIELL:

Of course, you two have been together since…well..forever. I was usually surprised that you two have been together as long as you have, you always seem to fight.

GUODO:  
That's what happens when we get in the way of one of the most beautiful cats in all of Tokyo. Besides, we never really meant it. Sure, we got sidetracked by your beauty…but I loved Speedy to death, he was like my brother.

LUCIELLE:

Speedy didn't think I was beautiful at all, not after Polly came along, He just dumped me for her!!

GUIDO:  
Maybe he just discovered his destiny. Ya know..they were meant to be.

LUCIELLE:

Destiny, destiny..oh Guido, why can't I be someone's destiny?! What's WRONG with me?!

GUIDO (sensing she might blow massages her shoulders deeper):

Oh, Lucielle. NOTHING is wrong with you!

LUCIELLE:

It's these dumb MISSLES I have, isn't it?! They drive everyone away! Oh, why do I have them?!

GUIDO:

Don't say that! I always did kind of like your missles myself.

LUCIELLE:

Right, Guido!

GUIDO:  
No, I mean it, I really like them! They make you unique.

LUCIELLE:

Not unique enough to be someone's destiny!

GUIDO:  
Funny you should say that…I've always felt you were part of mine!

LUCIELLE:

You have?

GUIDO: (Massaging her even deeper)

Definiely, Lucielle. You're so beautiful, and sweet, and fun to be around..

LUCIELLE:

Why didn't you say anything before, Guido?

GUIDO:

You were always so busy with Speedy. Seemed you took a better liking to him/

LUCIELLE:

Guido…all you had to do was say what you just said to me now! (touches his shoulder) What else about me do you like?

GUIDO:

I love to hear you sing, Lucielle.

LUCIELLE:

Really?

GUIDO:

Yeah…sing something, your voice is lovely (music starts)

LUCIELLE (sngs):

"I" said the little leatherwing bat  
"I'll tell to you the reason that  
The reason that I fly by night  
Is because I've lost my heart's delight."

Howdy dowdy diddle-dum day  
Howdy dowdy diddle-dum day  
Howdy dowdy diddle-dum day  
Hey le lee-lee lie-lee low

"I" said the blackbird sittin' on a chair  
"Once I courted a lady, fair.  
She proved fickle and turned her back  
And ever since then I've dressed in black."

Howdy dowdy diddle-dum day  
Howdy dowdy diddle-dum day  
Howdy dowdy diddle-dum day  
Hey le lee-lee lie-lee low

"I" said the woodpecker sittin' on a fence  
"Once I courted a handsome wench  
She got scared and from me fled  
And ever since then my head's been red."

Howdy dowdy diddle-dum day  
Howdy dowdy diddle-dum day  
Howdy dowdy diddle-dum day  
Hey le lee-lee lie-lee low

"I" said the little turtle dove  
"I'll tell you how to win her love  
Court her night and court her day  
Never give her time to say o-neigh!"

Howdy dowdy diddle-dum day  
Howdy dowdy diddle-dum day  
Howdy dowdy diddle-dum day  
Hey le lee-lee lie-lee low

"I" said the bluejay and away he flew  
"If I were a young man I'd have two  
If one were faithless and chanced to go  
I'd add the other string to my bow"

Howdy dowdy diddle-dum day  
Howdy dowdy diddle-dum day  
Howdy dowdy diddle-dum day  
Hey le lee-lee lie-lee low

Hey le lee-lee lie-lee low

GUIDO:

Lucille, I can honestly say that was beautiful! Like a bird!

(sings):

On a tree by a river a little tom-tit  
Sang "Willow, titwillow, titwillow!"  
And I said to him, "Little-bird, why do you sit  
Singing Willow, titwillow, titwillow'?"  
"Is it weakness of intellect, birdie?" I cried,  
"Or a rather tough worm in your little inside?"  
With a shake of his poor little head, he replied,  
"Oh, willow, titwillow, titwillow!"

He slapped at his chest, as he sat on that bough,  
Singing "Willow, titwillow, titwillow!"  
And a cold perspiration bespangled his brow,  
Oh, willow, titwillow, titwillow!  
He sobbed and he sighed, and a gurgle he gave,  
Then he plunged himself into the billowy wave,  
And an echo arose from the suicide's grave —  
"Oh, willow, titwillow, titwillow!"

Now I feel just as sure as I'm sure that my name  
Isn't Willow, titwillow, titwillow,  
That 'twas blighted affection that made him exclaim  
"Oh, willow, titwillow, titwillow!"  
And if you remain callous and obdurate, I  
Shall perish as he did, and you will know why,  
Though I probably shall not exclaim as I die,  
"Oh, willow, titwillow, titwillow!"

__

(During this song LUCIELLE has been greatly affected, and at the end is almost in tears. GUIDO then takes LUCIELLE in his arms and kisses her deeply. LUCIELLE wraps her arms around him )

LUCIELLE:  
Oh, Guido you DO care! I always thought that you were too much of a Ladies Man to even think of a commitment.

GUIDO:  
Don't believe everything you hear, Lucielle (knowingly to audience) Don't believe everything! I'll be a one cat man if you'll have me.

****

LUCIELLE:  
There is beauty in the bellow of the car,  
There is grandeur in the growling of the gale,  
There is eloquent outpouring  
When the lion is a-roaring,  
And the tiger is a-lashing of his tail!

GUIDO  
Yes, I like to see a tiger  
From the Congo or the Niger,  
And especially when lashing of his tail!

LUCIELLE  
Volcanoes have a splendour that is grim,  
And earthquakes only terrify the dolts,  
But to him who's scientific  
There's nothing that's terrific  
In the falling of a flight of thunderbolts!

GUIDO  
Yes, in spite of all my meekness,  
If I have a little weakness,  
It's a passion for a flight of thunderbolts!

**BOTH:**  
If that is so,  
Sing derry down derry!  
It's evident, very,  
Our tastes are one.  
Away we'll go,  
And merrily marry,  
Nor tardily tarry  
Till day is done!

**GUIDO:**  
There is beauty in your unique missles —  
Do you fancy you are powerful enough?  
Information I'm requesting  
On a subject interesting:  
Is a maiden all the better when she's tough?

****

LUCIELLE:  
Throughout this wide dominion  
It's the general opinion  
That she'll last a good deal longer when she's tough.

**GUIDO:**  
Are you old enough to marry, do you think?  
Won't you wait till you are thirty in the shade?  
There's a fascination frantic  
In a ruin that's romantic;  
Do you think you are sufficiently arrayed?

**LUCIELLE:**  
To the matter that you mention  
I have given some attention,  
And I think I am sufficiently arrayed.

**BOTH:**  
If that is so,  
Sing derry down derry!  
It's evident, very,  
Our tastes are one.  
Away we'll go,  
And merrily marry,  
Nor tardily tarry  
Till day is done!

If that is so,  
Sing derry down derry!  
It's evident, very,  
Our tastes are one.  
Away we'll go,  
And merrily marry,  
Nor tardily tarry  
Till day is done!

Sing derry down derry!  
We'll merrily marry,  
Nor tardily tarry  
Till day is done!

(GUIDO kisses her again, they exit)


	12. The Punishment

**Scene 7**

_Interior of PRINCESS VI'S palace. PRINCESS VI enters with SERVANTS_

PRINCESS:

WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE WON'T GIVE UP THE BODY?!?

SERVANT #1:

We tried to reason with her, Your Highness! But she said Miss Esther was going to be buried in the backyard of the Pizza Place!!

PRINCESS:

THIS WOMAN WAS A HEROIC FREEDOM FIGHTER WHO GAVE ALL SHE HAD FOR OUR FAIR TOWN AND ALL THAT WOMAN CAN SAY IS 'WE'LL BURY HER IN THE BACKYARD OF WHERE SHE WORKED?!?!

SERVANT #1:

That's what she said, your Highness!!!

PRINCESS:

This woman and Speedy Cerviche were both fantastic noble heros in their own right!! They WILL have proper funerals! YOU TELL THAT WOMAN SHE'S GOT THREE MORE HOURS TO COUGH UP THE BODY OR WE'LL TAKE IT FROM HER PERSONALLY AND HAVE HER REMOVED TO PRISONER'S ISLAND, ARE WE CLEAR?!

SERVANTS:

YES, YOR HIGHNESS!!

PRINCESS:  
Good, now move it! (SERVANTS exit) Now, where are the Royal Guards? MEN! (ROYAL GUARDS enter and bow) How are our prisoners?

GUARD #1:

They're waiting for you to pass judgement, your Majesty.

GUARD #2:

Your Highness, with all due respect what WILL be their punishment?

PRINCESS:  
They, all three, will be banished from this Palace..

SERVANT #3:

To Prisoner's Island?

PRINCESS:

No, Prisoner's Island is FAR too good for them!!! THOSE traitors will be forever banished far away, further away from Prisoner's Island to a dark desolate forest. EVERYTHING will be taken far away from them, they will have NO shelter, NO food, and b forbidden to leave! Either they must fend for themselves or perish! THAT is my judgement, no takebacks, I won't change my mind!!

(they exit)

**Scene 8**

__

Interior of the prison. BIG CHEESE, AL DANTE, and JERRY ATRIC are sitting on the jail cell. BIG CHEESE is angrily pacing around the small enclosed space slowly turning a bright shade of red. JERRY ATRIC is waving his hands in a panic, AL DANTE has his head in his hands)

BIG CHEESE (pointing to AL DANTE):

You got any more bight ideas?!?! Thanks to you we're all in here!!!! God KNOWS what she's gonna do to us!!! I had it all, I had everything..now I have nothing, nothing thanks to you!!

JERRY ATRIC:

Big Cheese, I beg you you're going to get us in more trouble, please control yourself!!

AL DANTE:

How was I supposed to know that she'd react like that?!

JERRY (panicing):

Sir, please, control yourself!!!

BIG CHEESE (growing redder):

Who's not in control?!?! WHO?! AGGGGH!! (explodes, causing JERRY and AL to be covered in debris.

AL (muttering):

Oh, boy!

GUARD #1 enters

GUARD #1:

Here ye, here ye, the Princess will be here any minute to formally announce your punishment to…(FRANCINE enters then with GUIDO)

FRANCINE:

Where's the Princess? We need to speak with her!

GUARD #!:

So, you're decided to hand over thee body of Miss Esther after all?

GUIDO:

Something like that. Look, tell her Guido Anchovy is here to see her. It's very important.

GUARD#1:

Very well. As for you three the Princess will deal with you after she has taken care of this matter. (He exits)

AL DANTE:

Guido, have you come to get me outta here?!

GUIDO:  
They're waiting outside.

BIG CHEESE:  
Did ya hear that our bail has been posted!

GUIDO:  
Who said anything aboit you?! Don't think you're off the hook!! (FRANCINE and GUIDO exit)

BIG CHEESE:

WHAAAT?!?! No, no, you can't do this!! Let me out, I want out!!! It was HIS idea (pointing to AL) Let HIM be punished!!

JERRY:

PLEASE control yourself!! (curtains go down as huge explosion is heard)


	13. The Finale

**Scene 9**

_Interior of PRINCESS VI's throne room. PRINCESS VI herself is sitting on a pure gold throne set with jewels and a red carpet is leading right up to it. Her GUARDS are standing at either side of her. A door, at this point closed, is just to the right of the room. GUIDO and FRANCINE enter and kneel before her._

GUIDO:

Good afternoon, your Highness.

PRINCESS (sighs):

Oh Guido, if only that were true! (wipes away tears) Please on behalf of the Kingdom of Little Tokyo accept my condolences for the loss of your friends.

GUIDO:  
That's true. It isn't every day that a guy loses two of his best friends.

PRINCESS: \

Well, rest assured we WILL bee giving them the BEST funeral imaginable! (to FRANCINE) are you FINALLY coming to your senses and prepared to hand over the body?

FRANCINE:

You might say that (starts to go toward the door)

PRINCESS:

Good, and as soon as Big Cheese finally gives in and tells us where Speedy is lieing we will have a big, intense, funeral for the two of them (to head GUARDS) YOU ARE ALL ABOUT TO AGREE?!

GUARDS:

Oh yes, oh yes, no question!!

PRINCESS:

Thank you. (to GUIDO) It's the least we can do for them.

GUIDO:

Thank you, Princess, but that really isn't necessary…

PRINCESS:

What do you mean? Of course it's necessary! They both deserve it! Nothing but the best.

GUIDO:  
But you don't have to go to all that trouble!

PRINCESS (notices GUIDO is not really sad):

Why wouldn't we, Guido? Didn't you just say you lost two of your best friends?

GUIDO:  
Well, yeah..(notices FRANCINE is right by the door, she nods) but you see, your Highness, in so losing them…they have found each other! (FRANCINE throws open the door and SPEEDY and POLLY enter arm-in-arm dressed in their uniforms. The GUARDS and the PRINCESS stare open-mouthed. Suddenly she screams and backs off into a corner)

PRINCESS:

A ghost, a GHOST!!!! Oh my God, GHOSTS!! GUARDS, PROTECT ME!!! (GUARDS surround the PRINCESS)

POLLY:  
Wait, wait, Princess, we're not ghosts!! We're alive!

SPEEDY:

Yeah, Princess! Don't be scared, we're alright!! Look (touches the wall) Look, we can't put our hands through walls or anything! (touches FRANCINE'S arm) Look, can a ghost touch people?!

PRINCESS (realizing the truth):

Huh..huh..but..oh my God!! YOU'RE ALIVE!! THEY'RE ALIVE!!! (GUARDS all begin to cheer) Thank God!! But…wait..how..

SPEEDY:

Big Cheese and Jerry Atric almost tricked me into willingly allowing him to kill me in a month by promising me I could marry Polly.

POLLY:

But I wouldn't hear of it. I told Big Cheese if he killed Speedy I would kill myself right in front of him. I'd rather die than not have a chance to marry Speedy. So Guido offered to sacrifice himself in our place…

SPEEDY:

But it turns out that chicken Cheese couldn't execute anyone! He's too much of a wimp!

PRINCESS:

Well, THAT explains a lot!

POLLY:

Isn't that the truth?

SPEEDY:

So Cheese came up with the idea to send Polly and I to Titipu and he bribed Al Dante to draw up a phony death certificate and to tell Francine to tell you Polly killed herself. That way he wouldn't loose his position and made you think he executed me

PRINCESS (angrily):

THAT HORRID, NASTY RODENT!! HE LIED TO ME!!!! HE LIED TO ME, HE DECIEVED ME!!! HOW DARE HE DO THAT, HOW DARE HE LIE TO ME!!! GUARDS, LET AL DANTE OUT OF RISON, BUT LET CHEESE AND JERRY ATRIC KNOW THEY ARE BANISHED FOREVER FROM THIS LAND!!!

(LUCIELLE enters just then and bows to the PRINCESS. GUIDO smiles and puts his arms around her. )

LUCIELLE:

I was looking for you, Guido..(notices SPEDDY and POLLY and stands still as a statue. She starts to tremble with fright.)

PRINCESS:

OH GOD GET HER OUT OF HERE!!! (GUIDO lets her out and before log screams of 'GHOSTS!!" came alongside missles going off. LUCILLE comes back as POLLY runs to her.)

POLLY:

Lucielle, Lucielle, it's alright we're not ghosts!! Look (touches her) Can a ghost touch you?!

LUCILLE:

But..how..but..you..

SPEEDY:

No, we're not, Lucielle. We're not dead. That was art of a scheme by Big Cheese so he could try to keep his job. In fact, Polly and I are fine..(he slowly puts his arm around her) In fact..we're married. (cringes for her reaction…but LUCILLE only shrugs)

LUCIELLE:

It's about time!

SPEEDY ad POLLY look surprised

SPEEDY:

So, this us alright with you?

LUCIELLE:

Oh yes! Congradulations!

POLLY:

You know Speedy is off limits now?

LUCIELLE:

Who cares? (snuggles up to GUIDO) I've found my REAL soul mate! He's been here the whole time!

GUIDO: 

That's funny, I've found my own Princess! (kisses her)

PRINCESS:

Wait, wait..you mean..you've eloped?!?!

SPEEDY and POLLY:

Yes.

PRINCESS:

Oh, we can't have THAT!!! Not for both of you!! GUARDS!!

**Scene 10**

_Exterior of a church, surrounded by flowers. The doors open and SPEEDY and POLLY, both dressed in the finiest wedding clothes imaginable, emerge from Church. They are followed by GUIDO and LUCILLE, FRANCINE and AL DANTE, GOOD BIRD and CARLA, PRINCESS VI , and the CHORUS, who line the streets and throw flowers as music starts:_

****

FRANCINE:

For he's gone and married Polly —

**ALL:**

POLLY!!

PRINCESS  
Your troubles all pray bury,  
For all will be merry,  
I think you all had better succumb —

**ALL:**

Cumb- cumb

**LUCIELLE:**

And join our expressions of glee!

PRINCESS 

On this subject I pray you be happy —

**ALL:**

Happy-happy!

(in the background BIG CHEESE and JERRY ATRIC are being dragged away to a raft. They are both struggling and yelling)

**PRINCESS:**  
Your notions, though many,  
Are not worth a penny,  
The word for your guidance is "Mum" —

**ALL:**

Mum — Mum!

GUIDO:

We'll never see them again, hopefully!

**ALL:**  
On this subject we pray you be dumb —  
Dumb — dumb!  
We think you had better succumb —  
Cumb — cumb!  
You'll find there are many  
Who find their soul mates so ready,  
Who'll find their soul mates so ready!,  
To forever their lives be joined!

To forever their lives be joined!

To forever their lives be joined!

To forever their lives be joined!

**GOOD BIRD:**

The threatened cloud has passed away,

**CARLA:**

And brightly shines the dawning day;

**SPEEDY:**

What though the night may come too soon,

**POLLY:**

We've years and years of afternoon!

POLLY, SPEEDY, GUIDO, LUCIELLE, GOOD BIRD, CARLA, AL DANTE, PRINCESS:

Then let the throng  
Our joy advance,  
With laughing song  
And merry dance,  
Then let the throng  
Our joy advance,  
With laughing song  
And merry dance,  
With laughing song  
And merry dance,  
With laughing song.\

****

SOPRANOS: **OTHERS:**

With joyous shout, With joyous shout,

with joyous shout and ringing cheer, with joyous shout and ringing cheer,

Inaugurate, inaugurate their new career! Inaugurate, inaugurate their new career!

With joyous shout With joyous shout and ringing cheer,

and ringing cheer, Inaugurate their new career!

With joyous shout and ringing cheer,

With joyous, joyous shout Inaugurate their new career!

With laughing song and merry dance, With song

With laughing song and merry dance, And dance,

With song and dance. With song and dance.

**__**

[Curtain

End of Operetta


End file.
